Thursday, September 18, 2014

We Started the Conversation...About 20 Years Ago

I'm a huge fan of Slate Magazine. They tend to cover controversial, off-the-beaten-bath topics that we didn't know were controversial and/or find new perspectives for topics that have been exhausted at other news sources.  This is why I wasn't all that surprised to see an article titled Spanking is Great for Sex.

"Alright," I thought. "Finally, a mainstream journalist is going to delve into why consensual, adult spanking is so great!"

Yeah, right. It's nice to have hopes and dreams, right?

I clicked on the article and immediately noticed the subheading Which is why it's Grotesque for Parenting. Then I proceeded to read the same old exhaustive argument about why we should never spank children.

I'm not here to advocate for or against the spanking of children. I have my own views on the subject. I've decided to not be an online activist either way, because this blog is about consensual, adult spanking within the confines of a DD marriage. But the subject inevitably comes up every month or so in our community forums, and we spanko adults can't seem to avoid getting into endless debates about whether our fetish is any different than what happens to children.

Apparently, this exhaustive debate never happens outside spanko land. The last line of the Slate article says:  "No one is having this conversation. We need to start."

Really? No one is having this conversation?? Not one single person or group of people???

This is one of her opening paragraphs:

"I have a spanking fetish. In my case, that means I like to be spanked, usually with a hand, belt, hairbrush, wooden spoon, switch, or paddle. It sexually gratifies me. I've had submissive fantasies for as long as I can remember, and it's part of my identity. I consider my kink to be my sexual orientation."

So, she's a spanko, right? You would think a fellow spanking enthusiast would at least reference the online spanko community, who have had this conversation about the spanking of children, oh, about a million times since the dawn of the internet (believe me, I've been here for it all.) But, alas, it's as if we are not here. We're invisible, and our conversations don't matter outside of our own little corner of fetish blogland. :(

This really irks me, because I feel that this Slate article was a perfect opportunity for the journalist to introduce the spanko community. It wouldn't be the weirdest or even the most controversial introduction Slate has made. She could have said, no, she is not the only one who loves to be spanked. There are, in fact, many other adults who feel the same way, and they've been having a conversation about whether it's OK to spank children for years. The general populace needs to participate in that conversation with them!

I think we, of all people, would certainly be the most qualified to bring the public into this debate. We, who have had this debate over and over and over again, can probably write down every single argument for or against each side. We've heard it all!

It's sad, because throughout all of this crap going on in the NFL, there is an online community prepped and ready to tell everyone what the difference is between abuse and consent, between childhood spanking and adult spanking, but no one wants to listen to us whackos--not even a fellow spanko journalist herself.


  1. Hi Autumn, I don’t know Slate Magazine at all, but I can only agree with you, there is such a huge difference between consenting adults who spank compared to the spanking of minors, who cannot consent. The journalist could have referred to many in blogland, so, yes this is another chance missed.
    But nevertheless, even though any form of spanking in connection with minors is out of the question here (Germany), spanking as part of erotic play, between consenting adults has reached more people than ever. Maybe there is a slow change after all, maybe it is just what we call Zeitgeist and it disappears again, leaving the people talking about spanking only behind locked doors.
    I am fully with you, seeing this chance for more discussion and then seeing it wasted, is annoying. But maybe we can hope that it only takes some more time until spanking is widely accepted among consenting adults. That would be neat.
    I hope you have a wonderful weekend!



    1. We can certainly hope and dream, but after reading the comments below the original article, I fear we have a long way to go to societal acceptance.

  2. I so wish someone would have the nerve to introduce some debate on the spanking of consenting adults, to the general public. What has happened to us all if the most blatant sex can be regularly viewed on TV, yet we are viewed as kinky extremists because we enjoy being spanked! It beats me. It would be so good if people eventually got tired of covering it up, and came out just like gay people once did.


    1. I agree. I hate to compare our kink to homosexuality, because we are not nearly as marginalized or denied rights. But, in a sense, there is definitely a "coming out" process when it comes to spanking.

  3. Autumn, I understand your frustration, but I see the author's reasons for not mentioning the online community. Since I first read Jillian Keenan coming out article I have been a fan if nothing else for her bravery in "coming out" in such a public forum; on a national / international level. She is an intelligent woman and I would guess the omission was intentional.

    As far as "the conversation no one is having" I can only guess she meant no vanilla people are having.

    As far as not mentioning the online community I believe it would just lean the bias further away from the point especially since so many stories, videos, pictures, blogs etc often refer to fantasies that are non-consenual and with questionable ages. People would just automatically or further support their belief that she, as part of this community, is no doubt just another "whacko".

  4. I totally agree with you, actually, but it wasn't until I read the comments section of the original article that I realized the bravery and guts of this writer.

    I forget sometimes that not everyone outside of blog land is supportive, encouraging, and understanding of different kinks. It's so easy to transfer that mentality to the vanilla world. Whereas I thought a spanking fetishist was one of the most qualified to discuss the debate on spanking children, many of the commenters thought she was one of the least qualified to do so.

    I suppose many parents don't want to hear that their children may be fetishizing a punishment that they use.

  5. I think the comments to any of Jillian Keenan's articles are a good microcosm of our american society. I don't really see the majority of commentators being supportive, encouraging, and understanding. I still think we live in an overall puritanical society with pockets of acceptance geographically, socially and regionally. It is all summoned up by comments such as "Some so-called writer girl in New York City who is into some crazy kinkiness and likes to be spanked isn't going to tell me how to parent!"