Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Square One

Wow, it's been almost a month. So much has happened--unfortunately, not much in the DD department.

My husband has been hesitant to spank me for things, because he is convinced it's not really a punishment. It is an extremely confusing line to walk. How can someone who enjoys being spanked take a spanking punishment seriously? How can I show him that it is effective, while, at the same time, maintain my enjoyment of spanking otherwise. I know that I can show him through my actions, but it's hard to do that when I'm not given the chance.

It is partly my fault. For example, I was having a hard time one day--being very disrespectful--and I knew it. I also didn't care. This rightfully made him angry. He refused to punish me. I really needed it, but I didn't get it. He figured if I didn't give him what he deserved, he wouldn't give me what I deserve. That's fair. I don't blame him, but it didn't make either of us feel better. There was no resolution.

My birthday was the 13th. I did get a delicious birthday spanking that involved far more spanks than my actual age, due to my losing count and having to start over ;)

In non-DD news, it's been a whirlwind month because my grandma is having major complications from open heart valve surgery. Many, many things have gone wrong, and it is going to be a long, slow recovery. But it seems like every time she does well for a few days, something goes wrong and she's back at square one.

If you're the praying type, my family would appreciate any good thoughts and prayers sent her way.

I look forward to catching up on different blogs--I've missed the DD community.

16 comments:

  1. Prayers being sent for your grandma...hope she starts having more of the good days.
    hugs abby

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Abby! I really appreciate it.

      Delete
  2. I will be praying for your Grandma Autumn, I'm so sorry that she's having a hard time. As for the issue of making sure a punishment it's effective and NOT enjoyable, I can only tell you what works for us. If I am to be punished, I am placed on my back with my legs up and gagged so I can't beg for mercy and so the most tenner parts of my bottom are exposed. Then I am spanked for a solid five minutes with no warm up. It is terrible, intense, and in no way enjoyable. The soreness lasts for about three days and I am an angel for much longer. Good luck with everything :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ouch, that sounds very painful, River! I'm SURE I wouldn't enjoy that. Thanks for the prayers and well wishes.

      Delete
  3. Autumn, there is an ongoing discussion on my blog about separating out discipline from erotic spanking. And, I do think it is hard--at least for me--to understand how a spanking that you want can really be discipline? But, is part of the way to reconcile it that it really isn't the spanking that you need but, rather, some exercising the control over you that comes along with the spanking? You may or may not need the spanking, but what you do need is someone exercising control and setting boundaries, I say that only because I know that is what I need as the person on the receiving end of a DD relationship. I actually do not enjoy and do not want a spanking. But what I do NEED, yet very much do not enjoy, is someone setting boundaries for me and punishment me when I step outside of them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree that a spanking is not always needed--it's more about the dominance and the guidance than the physical act itself. Those things do seem to accompany a spanking, however, and I like and desire all aspects of it. We will navigate through this bump in the road, I'm sure. Thanks, Dan!

      Delete
  4. I am sending you and your grandma positive energy, and hope that things will get easier for her.

    Happy belated birthday to you! Getting extra birthday smacks are always wonderful. =)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the positive energy! My birthday spanking was nice :)

      Delete
  5. Autumn welcome back! I was thinking about you and beginning to worry about you thinking you were another vanished blogger.

    Happy belated Birthday!

    Sending plenty of positive thoughts and prayers to your Grandma and to you and your entire family. Praying for things to turn in the right direction.


    As far as the DD stalemate, I understand this fully. Part of the issue, in my opinion, is the necessity to clearly define and separate funisments from true punishments.

    Part of it might be as simple as severity. If he is punishing you, but if there is no heightened emotion coming from you or you aren't really sore afterwards reminding you why you shouldn't do those things/act that way again, then it really isn't a serious punishment.

    The other side of it is the setting up of rituals and not blending or mixing the two. In other words, corner time should only be used as part of true punishments as should the brush or belt. Funishment should only be given by hand and much lighter etc. So this way there is clear association and definition for both of you.

    The other is the erotic side of it and where everyone will offer different thoughts. there are those who think if it is a punishment nothing erotic nor sex should follow.

    Welcome back again!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Enzo. There seem to many mixed opinions about funishment vs. punishment, which goes to show it's not the same for anyone. The world of kink and DD is never boring, that's for sure!

      At the moment, I do rather enjoy a mix of fun and punishment. I know it's not "supposed" to be that way, and sometimes it does create problems. But other times, it is *amazing.* I'm not even sure if we should be referring to our current arrangement as "DD"--I guess we'll have to go with the all-encompassing TTWD.

      The problem with full out DD is that it requires *a lot* of energy and motivation, especially for my husband, and stress can really hinder that.

      We'll get through this, and I know we will find something that works for us. It isn't all bad right now. We haven't given up and that's the important thing!

      Delete
  6. Your grandma and family will be in my thoughts and prayers!

    As for the DD/Spanking stuff - I'm sorry you're not in the best place right now with everything - it can be such a confusing thing to separate the punishment and pleasure. I hope you guys are able to figure it out soon. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Kenzie. We're in an OK place. I think we're doing pretty well, considering the amount of stress lately, so we will get through this, I know!

      Delete
  7. Autumn, I am so sorry that your grandma has problems with her heart; sending positive energy and hope that she’ll recover quicker than everybody thought. I know that heart surgery can really take long, and I simply hope that all will be better soon, and since Christmas is such a special time of the year, that you all can celebrate with her (at home, not in hospital!).

    I am sorry about the punishment troubles you had. I’d agree with River and you, spankings and spankings are not the same. The good girl ones are pure pleasure and the other ones are no fun at all. So, no warm-up and more intense definitely makes a huge difference.
    Hubby even has good and nasty canes (and paddles) here for me. We do not mix these, and that works well too. They feel different and he uses them differently, of course, but there is no way of mistaking his heavy wooden paddle for fun! Impossible. I haven’t had it for almost a year by now (such a good girl I am :)!), … and I do not want to ever feel it again, if he’d ever ask. So this piece of wood is a real deterrent for me and he knows that this one has a real effect on me, just from thinking about it.
    Hey, your husband also works a lot around your house, so he could make one of those wooden terrors, made with lots of love, but a real pain in the ***!

    Haha, I love the idea of your birthday spanking, and I am a little glad that I am not the only one who is Maths-challenged at times! Happy birthday … late, but from the heart.

    hugs

    Nina

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good for you Nina that you haven't had the "naughty" implements in a year! My husband usually uses harsh implements when he punishes me, but sometimes he'll pull them out for some cruel and unusual "fun," too.

      Part of the problem is I kind of like the mix of fun and punishment at times, and we're still figuring out whether that creates too much of a problem, because sometimes it is truly amazing--that tension between fun and serious.

      I wonder if any relationship can successfully navigate that line between fun and punishment. I'm sure we will continue to try--and I'll be here to blog about it!

      Delete
  8. Autumn,

    I too am so sorry to hear about your Grandma. Hopefully you can get some peace as you reflect.

    The punishment spanking vs. the sexy spanking seems to be a problem for so many in DD, ourselves included. I just posted an article about the truth behind some of our biggest struggles. You know I am a spanko too, it can be really confusing as the girl on bottom with a paddle on her bottom.

    I guess we all just keep moving forward and learn what TTWD means individually. Yikes.

    Loved seeing posts from you.

    Warm thoughts and spankings,

    HumbledPink

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, HP. I agree that navigating the line between punishment and sexy spankings is probably the most widespread issue in the DD world. Sometimes I don't know whether to call my arrangement DD, but then I think, "I can call it whatever I want--it's still not like anyone else's relationship." Some days it feels like DD and some days it feels like kinky fun...and I'm OK with that!

      Delete