Teamwork

Not my husband

My husband spent all day today installing a new water heater. I really admire that--a professional probably could have done it in a couple of hours, but my husband often insists on taking a whole weekend (and multiple trips to Home Depot) to teach himself how to do a home project.

I helped...a little.

I actually did help him move the water heater into the correct spot for installation, and, let me tell you, those things are damn heavy. The guys who delivered it to our house wore back braces when they brought it into the basement--I guess I should have taken the hint.

In order to get it from the bottom of the basement stairwell to the corner for installation, we had to slide it on a piece of cardboard. Except, cardboard doesn't slide on concrete flooring when there's a 300 lb cylinder on top of it. So we had to spin the water heater round and round, in the general direction of the corner, until it finally ended up where it should be. I wish someone had video recorded the whole thing. We were both bear hugging a 50 gallon metal drum, spinning it around like a flying saucer, across the basement floor.

I should mention that he asked me to help him with this at 11:30 pm--just as I was trying to wind down for the night. I complained and whined that I didn't want to help him when it was so late...but I begrudgingly did. I planned on climbing into bed as soon as we were done moving the damn thing, but, after it was in place, he came around from the other side of the tank, yanked my sweatpants and underwear down, and started smacking my bottom. It echoed loudly in our unfinished, concrete basement.

"Ow! Is this what happens to young ladies who help you move stuff?" I asked.

"No, this is what happens when I ask you to do something, and you double the time it takes by whining and complaining about it first" he said. "You should just do it." He pushed me against the cold, cinder block basement wall and smacked away at my poor bottom.

"Now, you won't whine and complain again, will you?" he asked.

"No, sir," I said, grinning. He laughed.

"Yeah, right," he said.

Then he hugged me, praised our teamwork, and told me to pull up my pants and get upstairs into bed.

But, alas, bedtime was put on hold for another hour.

All in the name of teamwork, I suppose ;)

Creative Poses

There's a certain time of month when I can't get enough spanking and discipline (kinda the opposite of that time of month). I'm insatiable, and I know that's a lot to ask of anyone, let alone someone who often sees spanking me as more of a chore-like form of foreplay than an exciting main event.

But, with the proper bad attitude, I usually get some of what I crave :)

.  .  .

I was over his lap recently for one of these much-craved discipline sessions. It was light-hearted. He wasn't spanking too hard. I was being smart and witty. Then, he started doing this thing where he scratches my red bottom with his fingernails, and I couldn't stand it. It's not that it overly hurt--it was just...too much sensation. I was overstimulated, and it made me feel nauseous.

I told him I didn't like it, and to "pleeeeaaase stop."

He kept going, so I wriggled around, attempting to roll off his lap.

He pulled me back and did it again, so I reached back and pushed his hand up forcefully. I'm not quite sure what happened--you'll have to get his version of events--but I may or may not have hit his face with our hands.

Before I could say anything, I was being pinned down as hard, fast smacks rained down on my "overstimulated" bottom. I attempted to lunge forward off his lap. He held me fast, not letting me get a word in edgewise with all the spanking.

"Do you want to try a move like that again, young lady?" he asked in his most HOH-y voice.

"No, sir. I'm really sorry," I said.

"Yes. Yes, you are sorry," he said, and he continued to lay into my poor bottom with hard, bruising smacks, until I was thoroughly chastised, and he rolled me off his lap and ordered me to lay on my stomach.

He reached for his phone, and he spent the next 5-10 minutes ordering me into different poses so he could take pictures of my bright red bottom. My husband studied photography professionally for a while, so these weren't your run-of-the-mill erotic photos. He ordered me into many creative poses so he could get "mysterious" shots and "artistic" shots. 

Then he laid on his back and swung me up and over, straddling so that my bottom was facing him--yet another creative. We made love in this position while he got even more "creative" with his fingers, in previously uncharted territory...

I'm Interested

"You're not interested in me, and it sucks. I hate it."

My husband said that to me several nights ago. It caught me off guard. I had no idea he felt that way, and I had no idea that I'd seemed uninterested or that I'd forgotten about important things going on in his life.

Sometimes, I can be self-involved. OK, more than some times. I'm constantly thinking about the things going on in my life and what I have coming up and what I need to do to prepare for future engagements, etc, etc, etc... I'm so caught up in what I have going on, that I apparently forgot to express any interest whatsoever in my husband's life.

It's a failing, and it's definitely something I want to improve immediately. But, the other night, I was so caught off guard and so surprised, that I did the stupid thing and bottled up all of my hurt and all of my emotions surrounding the topic.

In short, I misunderstood what he wanted from me. But, instead of talking to him about it (too easy, right?), I instead shut myself off. For more than 24 hours, I stopped talking as much, I stopped being affectionate, I stopped smiling and laughing. I constantly checked myself and second guessed my words. It sounds overly dramatic, but it was the first time in our relationship when I felt that I couldn't be myself around my husband. The stress and frustration with myself consumed me, and it made me physically ill.

It went on like this for a day or so, and then my husband came in the bedroom as I was going to bed one night and wouldn't leave until I told him what was going on. It took probably an hour, but he ended up staying and comforting me through the ugliest, most hysterical breakdown I've had in recent memory.

Thankfully, the emotional crisis was short-lived, and I can laugh about it now. But I have not forgotten that I need to make a change, and, today, I have plenty of ideas for how I can show more interest in my husband's life. I feel confident and sure of myself, but a few days ago, I felt so awful that I had disappointed him. I felt like the horrible wife who only thinks about herself and forgets all about her husband's hopes and dreams. But I didn't want to tell him that I felt awful, because that was yet another thing about me. Does that make sense?

I sense that we may not be the only couple that has this problem. Even if we live with the people we love, we still have different jobs, different friends, and different goals for our individual lives. It's rather easy to just focus on our own things, write our own to-do lists, and forget to ask each other what the heck is going on. Except my husband, wonderful man that he is, does not forget to ask about me. I'm not saying he's never forgetful, but he asks for details, and he always shows an interest in my often mundane life.

I am interested in my husband's life, and it took a lot of frustration and hurt for me to realize that I wasn't showing it. But I want to come up with ways that I can inspire my husband. I want to help him pursue his passion, and, least of all, I want to express an interest in his life, even if the things he's excited about are not the things I get excited about.

I wanted to share a partial list of some of the ideas I've found/come up with that will help me express my interest in the future. I am accepting any and all ideas, if you have something to add to this list!

1. Don't just ask "how was your day--"ask for details.
2. Send him an email in the middle of the day, asking how things are going.
3. Ask what he wants to do when he gets home, and then do it with him.
4. Try something new in bed.
5. Ask him about his "bucket list," and then cross something off with him.
6. Give him a book about something in which he's interested.
7. Ask him about his dreams, and ask how to help him with them.
8. Text him something encouraging.
9. Respect him.
10. Leave notes around the house.
11. Suggest that he pursue a hobby in which he's interested.
12. Leave him an honest-to-god voicemail--and not one that says "pick up milk."
13. Ask him what's going on at work, then follow up later in the week on his answer.
14. Plan a date for something we enjoy doing together.
15. Tell him what he's good at.
16. Start a "Dream" file with him, and include travel brochures, business ideas, etc...
17. Budget for him.
18. Tell him in front of everyone how amazing he is.
19. Remember his dreams from months/years ago, and ask him if they're still a possibility.
20. Ask him what I can do to inspire and empower him.

The Spanko/Vanilla Answers

Here are the answers to this month's questions for both me and my husband. I wanted him to chime in this year, to give a little perspective on what it was like, one year in, for a former vanilla in a DD/TTWD relationship. Alas, he is a man of few words when he's put on the spot, but I managed to pry more than just "yes" and "no" answers from him :)


Nina asked: What is most important to you in a friendship? How would you and your husband describe each other in one word?

He: Mutual trust is the most important thing in my friendships. And I would describe my wife as "strong."

She: This is a hard question for me, because, in all honesty, I don't consider myself to be a very good friend--I am absolutely horrible at keeping in touch with those who've been in my life. I think a willingness to truly listen, though, is probably most important. I would describe my husband as "selfless."


Enzo asked: Since you started this, have your views changed towards being open to trying more things? Also, do any of your friends know about your spanking interest? If so, what has been the reaction?

He: Since starting DD, I'm actually more open to S&M. Before I met my wife, I had no exposure to that sort of thing, and now I'd be open to seeing dungeons or whatever...party, group stuff.

She: I'll start with saying that none of our friends know, which is why my husband did not answer that question. I would love to do a DD meetup with other couples I've met on here. And my husband is open to seeing another man spank me. I would actually like to be spanked by a woman someday, and I've gone back and forth with wanting to attend one of those huge spanking parties like Crimson Moon or Shadow Lane...I don't know yet. Fantasizing about these things and making them happen are obviously very different things. The DD meetup seems to be the most harmless of the bunch at the moment!


Dan asked: Does [your husband] have any advice on how to overcome the reluctance to "hurt" someone they care about?

He: I overcame that reluctance, ultimately, because my wife wanted it, and, secondly, because I didn't see it as a permanent pain--I saw it as temporary pain for her pleasure. I like to compare it to running--why do people go running when they know it's going to hurt their legs? It's cause of the endorphin rush or the "pleasure" aspect of it.

She: I don't know how he ultimately reconciled it, but it took quite a bit of convincing that I really wanted it--that, to me, the pain was like a tiny negative side affect of all the pleasurable aspects to spanking.


Very good questions and thank you all for asking, and, if there are still inquiring readers who want to know more, please ask!

The Spanko/Vanilla Questions

I'm a little late to the game, since we're already halfway through March, but I'd really like to include my husband in this year's question game. You only know him through the stories I tell on here, so I figured I would give him a chance to speak for himself!

So, any questions for him or for us? The "lifelong spanko" and the "lifelong vanilla" will have profound, thought-provoking answers for everything, I'm sure ;)

50 Right Ways to Approach BDSM/TTWD: Getting to Know You

Welcome to my new blog series for the next few days!

In honor of Valentines Day and the questionable movie/book series that is being associated with romance this particular Valentines Day, I'd like to differentiate (for anyone wondering) between a healthy approach to BDSM/TTWD and what is portrayed in these popular books.

Yes, I've read them. I won't comment on the writing, since that subject has been thoroughly trashed and exhausted by pretty much everyone. The point is, the books were written, and they were a smash hit. And now many women may be fantasizing about this type of beautiful relationship, that we know to be about a delicate exchange of dominance and submission between two caring, often loving partners. 

With everyone and their mother now weighing in on the subject, I've seen BDSM, as a whole, equated to abuse. In fact, I saw a sweeping statement made by a psychiatrist that said "A healthy woman dreams about wedding gowns, not handcuffs." Really??? What kind of psychiatrist makes that sort of generalization about "healthy women?" (Remind me never to see her, should I seek therapy.) 

This may be a long list--some of the points very obvious--but it's worth writing, and I'm all about symbolism. I'm even dividing them into phases to ensure posts that aren't a mile long. This first phase is the "Getting to Know You" phase of my series. So, here goes--50 Right Ways to Approach BDSM/TTWD:

Getting to Know You

1. Christian Grey finds out where Ana works and shows up uninvited--a healthy dominant asks where his potential partner works in the course of getting to know her and does not show up there, unless invited.

2. Christian Grey visibly changes his demeanor when Ana talks to other men--a healthy dominant realizes that a potential partner will inevitably talk to other men and is OK with the fact that she may even choose to pursue a relationship with one of them--after all, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

3. Christian Grey tells Ana that she should find him intimidating--a healthy dominant is warm and approachable to a potential partner, because he wants to establish a trusting relationship in which neither party is intimidated.

4. Christian Grey warns Ana to stay away from him--a healthy dominant knows that he is a safe person and will do his best to convey that to a potential partner.

5. Christian Grey tracks Ana's whereabouts through her mobile phone and, again, shows up uninvited--a healthy dominant gives a potential partner space to live her own life and, again, only shows up when invited.

6. Christian Grey takes Ana back to his hotel room when she is too drunk to consent and even remember what happened--a healthy dominant only invites a potential partner to his hotel room when both parties are sober and able to consent.

7. Christian Grey says "If you were mine, you wouldn't be able to sit down for a week after the stunt you pulled yesterday"--a healthy dominant does not use threatening language like this, unless the potential partner is, in fact, his and has consented to being his.

8. Christian Grey finds out where Ana lives without telling her--a healthy dominant will, at a comfortable and natural stage in the relationship, ask where a potential partner lives, and, again, not show up unless invited.

9. Christian Grey shows Ana that she will have to sign a non-disclosure agreement--a healthy dominant AND a healthy submissive are comfortable and trusting enough of each other, that they can make a mutual, verbal agreement to keep the details of their adult activities private.

10. Christian Grey overwhelms Ana with a long contract and demands a list of her "hard limits" before she is ready--a healthy dominant will make a new partner as comfortable as possible, and will slowly introduce desired elements of BDSM by asking first, when he thinks she is ready.

That's it for this post...and this was just the Getting to Know You phase! To recap what a healthy dominant does when looking for a potential partner in BDSM:

• asks for details of his partner's life in the natural course of getting to know her
• does not show up uninvited
• gives her space
• makes her feel comfortable and tries to gain her trust
• gets her consent before doing or saying anything as "her" dominant
• ensures there is mutual trust and respect for privacy before starting anything
• eases his partner slowly into his style of BDSM, by introducing one thing at a time, and asking first

Stay tuned for the next phase!

Begging for It

Hi everyone!

I realized I hadn't written in almost a month :( That's just far too long to not write about spanking fun, so here's another recent story for you all, in time for Valentine's Day:

.  .  .

Just like every other couple, we go through our "drought" periods where there is no spanking and no sex for a few weeks. When those unfortunate periods happen, I usually get so built up with frustration, that, one night, I will snap, basically throw myself at my husband, and ask him to pleeeeeeease do something with me.

Well, that happened several days ago. Throughout the day, I physically hinted at my readiness many times, and, when evening came, as we were cuddling on the couch, I asked him to please spank me.

He ordered me to the bedroom, where I eagerly ran. He bared my bottom, and I went over his lap for some rubbing and light slapping. The slaps became harder, but, much too soon, he acted like it was over. I tried back talking, teasing, and making smart ass comments, but he knew what I was up to.

He opened his nightstand drawer, and pulled out my two favorite implements that I thought were long gone (I haven't been able to find them recently!).

"That's where those have been???? I thought we'd lost them!" I said.

"Yes, young lady. Sometimes I am more aware of the whereabouts of these than you are. Do you want me to use them on you?" he asked.

"Yes, please," I said.

"Beg for it then," he said.

"What???" I inquired.

"You heard me. Get down on the floor and beg for it," he said.

I got off the bed, stood up, and asked him to please spank me with my favorite implements. He handed me the light wooden hairbrush.

"Down on your knees," he said.

I got down on my knees, came over to his side of the bed, and begged, over and over, for him to please spank me with it. I gave him my best puppy dog eyes and rubbed him in places that I thought might entice him to give me what I wanted.

After a minute or two of this, he caved. I went over his lap, and, boy, did he deliver what I wanted and then some. He alternated between the stingy, plastic spatula and the thuddy, wooden hairbrush, and I was soon squirming all over his lap with a burning bottom.

Keep in mind, it had been several weeks, and, though my bottom was very sore, I was positively panting with desire. He soon dropped the implements, took me from behind, and together we relieved weeks of sexual tension :)

Afterward, I asked him to rub lotion on my bottom, because I knew my bottom was out of practice. He obliged, but it was still very tender the next day, which I loved. It served as a memory of how he literally made me beg for it. And thinking of that reminded me that, although he is usually happy to oblige me when I ask, he is still the one in control of my fulfillment.

The Spanking Sprints

Although I've been working out routinely since New Year (disclaimer: The Insanity workouts are truly insane), I had not planned on working out over the weekend, since I simultaneously opened a production at a local theater, started rehearsals for another production in May, and served as cantor for extra church services.

I was exhausted and relieved to come home Sunday evening, change into my pajamas, and sit down to a delicious dinner of blackened salmon, rice, and green beans, prepared by my culinarian husband. After dinner, we started in on another episode of our latest TV binge-watch project--The Wire. I was curled up on the couch, and, halfway through the episode, my husband decided to start giving some attention to my bottom.

Moments later, he paused the episode to which we were no longer paying attention, and pulled me over his lap for some harsher attention. With my pajama pants and underwear now down around my knees, he proceeded to use my bottom to warm up his cold hands. 

Then, he asked if I was too tired, and I naively said "no."

"Go to the bedroom, and bring me back one implement. Come back in a minute." he said.

I plodded along to the bedroom, opened the closet door, and rooted through the bag of implements. I dug around, but wasn't finding any of the regulars...hmmm. They must be somewhere else. The handle of one caught my eye on his nightstand. I grabbed it just as he began a countdown in the living room.

"10...9...8...7...6."

Oh boy, he actually meant one exact minute. I broke into a trot, and arrived back at his side just in time! He pulled me over his lap and applied the sting of our little plastic spatula to my bottom cheeks. A short moment later, though, he stopped...

"Get me another implement. You have 45 seconds...GO!" he said.

Catching on to the game, I hurriedly trotted to the bedroom with my pants around my ankles (I was not allowed to pull them up), and began looking for my second favorite implement--our small, flat, wooden spatula.

"20 seconds, young lady," I heard from the living room.

It wasn't in the bag, it wasn't by the nightstand--where was it???

"10...9...8...7..."

I rooted through the bag of implements--everything looked either too big or too painful. I finally grabbed a splintered wooden ruler--broken years ago--that we never bothered to discard, and sprinted back to the living room.

I was 10 seconds late :( And my bottom paid for it--although, the ruler, being short and broken, was apparently not having the desired impact.

"Get me another one, 45 seconds...GO!" he said.

Once again, I ran into the bedroom, this time, grabbing a tiny wooden spoon at the bottom of our implement bag.

"This is cute," he said, when I presented it to him.

I went over his lap and received a few smacks with that one.

"This one cups your bottom nicely," he said. "Go get me something else, young lady...30 seconds," he said.

This time I thought I would be clever and bring back the previously used "favorite" plastic spatula, but, when I returned, he immediately told me to get something else in "20 seconds."

"You did not specify that I had to get a different one!" I complained.

"15 seconds," he replied.

Gah! This time, I developed an even cleverer plan, and came back with the entire contents of the implement bag. Ha!

I dumped the handful of spanking tools next to him on the couch, and over his lap I went so he could try them all out, which he did...briefly.

"Leave these here. Go get me another implement. You have 30 seconds," he said.

"WHAT?! We don't have anything else, I already brought them all!!" I cried.

"20 seconds," he said.

I sprinted to the bedroom, looked desperately around, and grabbed one of my ballet flat shoes in the closet.

"Very good, young lady; now you're being creative,"  he said, when I returned.

I did not like my choice, though, as soon as he started using it on my bottom. It really stung, and I squirmed all over his lap.

"Go get me another implement. You have 20 seconds," he said.

Now really, this was just getting out of hand. I sprinted to the room and looked around for his belt, but I have no idea where he had put it. I heard the ominous countdown from 10 begin in the living room, and I had nothing. I found it lying on the bed, of all places, and I arrived back at the couch just in the knick of 15 seconds late.

"You're late," he said. "Stand up and put your hands on the couch. You're getting one on each cheek for the number of seconds you were late," he announced.

I counted 15 painful smacks of the belt on each cheek, which was really more like both cheeks each time because...well, it's a belt.

The bun-smacking countdown with the belt was the blessed conclusion of my spanking sprint exercises, and I was more than ready to settle into his arms and finish the darn TV episode, but, alas, I was told to go get one more thing from the bedroom to help along our, shall we say, "cool down" activities :)

So, I did get in a workout after all this weekend. But it was not of my own accord, and it was to my husband's amusement, comfort and delight. A fun time for him, I'm sure!

OK...I had fun too.

Spanking in the New Year

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season, and best wishes for the new year. I know I'm looking forward to what the new year will bring (more spankings, I suppose ;).

New Year's day is also my husband's birthday, and, inevitably, *I* was the one that ended up with the spanking.

We had a late, late night of revelry for New Year's Eve, and both of us were exhausted, so I wasn't sure if we'd have the energy for some birthday fun. We went out to dinner with his parents, and then came home and took a nap together on the couch. We just recently bought a new couch that is cushier and wider than our last one, so we were quite comfortable wrapped in each other. I guess the nap revived him a little, because the next thing I know, he's lightly tapping my bottom. 

He pushed me over so I was lying on my stomach. I looked back to watch what he was doing, and he slipped off my new PJ bottoms so I could, as he put it, "see my jiggly bottom being spanked." He spent the next hour alternating between tapping my bottom, massaging my bottom, spanking my bottom, kissing my bottom, and slowly changing my position every now and then, so that he had access to different angles and places on my bottom. He also employed a technique where he pushed upward on the top part of my bottom so he could spank the very sensitive areas on the lower parts of my bottom.

Essentially, he spent over an hour building me up, until I finally begged him to do something about it, which he did. I felt like it was my birthday, but he insisted this was a birthday present for himself. It was just one of those moments where everything was perfect--the mood, the timing, the lighting, the energy. Everything he did seemed to be the perfect thing to do.

We also broke in the new couch quite well, I'd say.

Three Years, Three Snippets

Today is our anniversary! Three years ago today, I married my best friend, and I still feel like the luckiest woman in the world. We have learned so much about each other in three years, and it just keeps getting better.

My present to him was a gorgeous leather jacket. I think it's the first time I've bought anything real leather (sorry, little lamb). Have I mentioned that I love the smell of leather? I love the smell of leather--perhaps I'm more into fetish wear than I thought...

In honor of three years, here are three snippets from the past week:

Several Days Ago 7:30 AM

We are cuddling together as I slowly wake up.

Me: Mmmmm....

He lifts up my shirt and touches my sensitive stomach, making me flinch. I remove his hand and tug down my shirt.

Me: Stop! I don't like that.
A: Don't give me orders, young lady.
Me: Well, it's my stomach, and I don't want you to touch it.
A: No, your body belongs to me, young lady. You may make suggestions, but I will choose whether to follow them or not.

He lifts my shirt again.

Me: Well, I would like to suggest that you not touch my stomach.

...

Yesterday--After missing the deadline for some lines I was supposed to write

Over his lap...where else.

A: Why haven't you finished those lines yet?
Me: I haven't had time!
A: You haven't made the time.
Me: You're right; I haven't made the time.
A: If I see you playing Candy Crush again before those lines are done, you're going to pay for it, young lady.

I immediately think of ways to play Candy Crush without him seeing.

...

Today

I emerge from a long, hot shower and am toweling off.

A: Your bottom is pink.
Me: It's from the hot water.
A: Oh...I thought maybe you were spanking yourself.
Me: I don't need to spank myself--I have someone for that.
A: Well, I can make it pinker than that.
Me: I'm sure you can.

He pushes me over the bed and demeonstrates that, yes, he can easily make it pinker.

New Business

I promise I haven't left Blog Land! I've decided to start a new business for the holidays, and it's taking up a whole lot of time for not a lot of profit (as new businesses are wont to do). .

It's a little stressful and discouraging. My husband has given me pep talks and "encouragement" over his lap, and there have been tears already. I may not make any money this year, but I'm not going to to give up :)

Loveliest of holidays to you all--hopefully I will get the chance to post some tidbits. I will be reading blogs when I can, but probably not posting much till after Christmas. For now, I will post a picture of our Christmas tree. We went with white lights this year, and I am just filled with warmth and happiness every time it comes on at night.

My Veteran

I woke up before my husband today, because I had to attend a special Veteran's Day service at church. I managed to catch and switch off my alarm less than a second after it went off, but it still woke him up :( 

I thought perhaps my handsome Veteran would go back to sleep, since it is, after all, Veteran's Day, but, instead, he pulled me over his lap, bared my bottom, and firmly made sure that I would behave today and "remember who's in charge."

Well, he knows how much I love morning spankings and how much it gets me going when he acts all strict and HOH-y. This was not a good start to getting ready for church.

By the end of the spanking, certain areas of my body betrayed my total desire for more. Sigh...

I said " to hell with getting ready" and was late for the service.

.  .  .

Happy Veteran's Day! I sure appreciate mine :)

A Surprise

After my grandma passed away, I sulked around for a while, which I was allowed to do. However, there was one insufferable evening when I was annoyed at everything, frustrated, and stressed out. I had an attitude and was constantly demanding things.

My husband went to bed before I did, and he was not happy. I thought he would simply go to bed upset, and we would talk about it the next day--a habit into which we've lately fallen. But I was in for a surprise.

I decided to crawl into bed next to him and cuddle--extend an olive branch--thinking that this would soften his heart and he would return the affection before falling asleep. Instead, he sat up, scooped me over his lap, and proceeded to give me one of the longest spankings I've ever received. He even paused halfway through and told me to face the opposite way, so he could effectively even out the smacks to my poor bottom. He used one implement, but mostly his hand. It just went on and on. I'm not sure how his hand endured it.

I can't really remember the lecture, but I remember it being serious--something along the lines of changing my behavior. There was no humor or light-heartedness in it, like some of his lectures.

I was so sore. And so relieved of stress and frustration. And so surprised.

I admired him so much after that, and I told him so. I told him how surprised I was, and he said that he was a little surprised himself. He thought about just going to sleep, but decided to try something else instead--something he knew I needed.

I was so, so glad he did.

Square One

Wow, it's been almost a month. So much has happened--unfortunately, not much in the DD department.

My husband has been hesitant to spank me for things, because he is convinced it's not really a punishment. It is an extremely confusing line to walk. How can someone who enjoys being spanked take a spanking punishment seriously? How can I show him that it is effective, while, at the same time, maintain my enjoyment of spanking otherwise. I know that I can show him through my actions, but it's hard to do that when I'm not given the chance.

It is partly my fault. For example, I was having a hard time one day--being very disrespectful--and I knew it. I also didn't care. This rightfully made him angry. He refused to punish me. I really needed it, but I didn't get it. He figured if I didn't give him what he deserved, he wouldn't give me what I deserve. That's fair. I don't blame him, but it didn't make either of us feel better. There was no resolution.

My birthday was the 13th. I did get a delicious birthday spanking that involved far more spanks than my actual age, due to my losing count and having to start over ;)

In non-DD news, it's been a whirlwind month because my grandma is having major complications from open heart valve surgery. Many, many things have gone wrong, and it is going to be a long, slow recovery. But it seems like every time she does well for a few days, something goes wrong and she's back at square one.

If you're the praying type, my family would appreciate any good thoughts and prayers sent her way.

I look forward to catching up on different blogs--I've missed the DD community.

A Motivating Factor

A pair of red running shorts.

Elaborating on the distance running subject from the previous post, I will say that having a running partner can be a very good motivator in getting one to go running. Especially if the motivator will not hesitate to wield a wooden spoon when the motivatee is having trouble getting out the door.

Several days ago, I kept saying that I wanted to go running, but my actions were clearly sending the message that I was going to lay around in sweatpants all day and perhaps take a nap. Finally, my husband, tired of hearing me talk about what I should do, ordered me to get ready to go running. I went into the bedroom, grabbed my running clothes from the closet, noticed the nice, inviting, comfy bed, and decided to lay down for a couple minutes.

Several minutes later, I found myself bending over that no longer inviting bed, crying out as my bottom was smacked over and over with a plastic spatula and wooden spoon. It was harsh. I think at one point I even slid off the bed to the floor for some respite and was promptly ordered back into position.

Talk about an uncomfortable start to a run. I'm prone to heat rash when I workout, even without a spanked bottom, so I made sure to shower immediately afterward and lather on lots of lotion.

He also ran with me that day, so the motivation works both ways! I guess he figured he couldn't cop out on running when he had just provided me with such an effective incentive to quit stalling and go.

Distance Running

If you ever want a good exercise in communication with your significant other, go on a distance run together.

I'm an avid distance runner--I ran cross country through high school, and I've more recently done both half and full marathons (slowly). My husband and I have been training for an approaching 10 mile run. Usually we have to run separately, since our work schedules do not coincide, but, on the weekends, we can usually get a long run in together.

Now running is frustrating enough as it is. Anyone who runs knows that the benefits of running are far better than the actual activity itself. I'm never in a good mood by the end of my run--I'm usually hot, tired, sweaty, and in the mood to sit and cool down for a while. Then, after about a half hour, I start feeling pretty good and energized. But the run itself...

I was not prepared for the frustration of distance road running with a partner. When I run by myself, I can cross roads when I want, stop when I want, and turn around when I want, and I don't have to say anything to anyone--I just do it. When I'm with my husband, I have to convey all of these things in an intelligible sentence, which is not always feasible at mile 5 of an uphill--or at any other point, for that matter.

For example: say there's an approaching car on a mildly traveled road with lots of curves. What do you do? Well, my habit has been to cross the road so as to allow the car to continue on without having to cross the center line. My husband's practice is to stand his ground in the middle of the lane, forcing the car to briefly face oncoming traffic, if any. So, what did we do in this situation? Well, I often crossed, and my husband often stayed, creating a sort of runner "tunnel" through which the car had to travel. Or, one of us would make a mad dash at the last second to the other side of the road, followed by a statement such as "I hate when you do that!" or "Would you please say something when you're going to cross!!??"

We got a little bit better at it, but not much. We were constantly dashing around the road, trying to predict what the other would do. By the end, we had developed a sort of grunting, breathy language of commands, such as "Cruuss (pant) now," "Rit," or "Lft," usually accompanied by some vague pointing and/or flailing.

We were never in a good mood by the end of the run, especially if it was hot. But we agreed that it was definitely a good lesson in communication and adaptability. And we did enjoy the feeling of having accomplished something together, even if it was a simple 6 mile run. That feeling of enjoyment was usually enhanced by something like beer or ice cream, perhaps lessening some of the health benefits of running.

In any case, I still think I prefer to run on my own, but I like a good challenge with my husband :)

Guilt Absolved

We got in a fight. I was disrespectful. He was disrespectful. He stormed out of the house and was gone for a few hours.

He texted me later:

"I'm sorry I left the way I did, babe. I thought it was a good opportunity to be a Dom, but I blew it by storming out."

.     .     .

There is no rule that an HoH has to be perfect in every situation. Passion and emotion can get the best of anyone, at times, and my husband and I both work to keep our negative emotions in control when we disagree. We've learned a lot already and we work hard at it, but, inevitably, we misstep and both act the way we don't want to act sometimes.

I know this question gets thrown around a lot in reference to DD, but how does an HoH handle a situation where a punishment would be helpful, but both he and his partner are at fault for something? 

I suppose in any DD relationship, since no HoH on earth is perfect, there has to be an agreement that an HoH can use punishment in a situation that merits it, even when he has made a mistake as well. I can't speak for other couples (in fact, I'm interested to hear how others have handled this), but I can tell you how we deal with it.

This is something I foresaw when we first started DD. I knew there would be times when we both made mistakes--where we both said things we didn't mean. But I convinced my husband that it was OK for us to absolve our guilt differently. I reassured him that I would not hold a grudge against him when he needed to punish me for something he himself had also done. In fact, I asked him if he would spank me when we fought or argued disrespectfully, so that I could get rid of my bad feelings and move on from it. I told him, I would do whatever he wanted to help him move on from those situations, as well--though I knew he wouldn't be asking me to spank him, haha.

So it was, when we argued the other night, I hoped he would come home and give me the spanking I knew I deserved. But it seemed his conscience wouldn't allow him to punish me for something we'd both done. He decided not to spank or punish me for my role in our earlier fight. At first, I thought I was OK with it, but, as the night wore on, I felt as if there were still a wall between us--as if something were preventing us from moving on.

Upon my request, he finally took me over his lap before bed.

"The way you acted this evening was not acceptable, young lady," he said, as he smacked my bare cheeks. "Yes, we were both disrespectful, but this is how I deal with your disrespect."

He used only his hand to punish me, and I felt my hard feelings from the argument melting away with each blow.

His smacks were hard and firm for several minutes as he lectured me about disrespect. Then, they subsided into lighter, more playful smacks, and I knew the punishment was over. It was becoming something else.

We recently decided to clearly differentiate between pleasure and punishment spankings, but this seamless transition between the two did not bother me. I knew that I had been punished and that now I was supposed to enjoy the rest.

His playful smacks turned into light taps in all the right places. I squirmed over his lap, begging with my actions for him to stop teasing me, and he sternly told me to "Calm down, young lady," which only made things worse.

Finally, he flipped me over and did something to absolve his guilt ;)

Domestic Discipline 2.0

We've developed an unhealthy pattern over the past several weeks. I won't bother listing the possible reasons for it, but, the truth is, we are far from living DD 24/7. I'm OK with that. I don't need the lifestyle 24/7 to be happy, but I need to practice it sometimes--a couple times a day, once a day, even once every couple of days. But it's been more like once every other week, which is not good, because this is what happens:

It starts with one remark from me. I'll snap at my husband, say something disrespectful, or order him to do something, and he won't respond. Even if I apologize, he'll brush it off and we'll move on without any consequence other than guilt. But the hidden consequence of leniency, as any submissive in DD can attest to, is resentment. 

It doesn't happen all at once, so it's hard to tell exactly when I begin to resent my husband. But I'll admit that if I get away with disrespect once, it's that much easier for me to do it again. Pretty soon, I'll have frequent bouts of disrespect, and my resentment will grow with each remark that goes unpunished, and I'll start to think that my husband doesn't care or that he's ignoring DD. And then one day, I'll have what I call a "mini meltdown," where all of my frustrations and stress and resentment come pouring out in a river of complaints, and I'll finally get a serious spanking.

Then I'll feel loved, cared for, happy, and respectful for a few days, until I get away with another remark, and the cycle will begin all over again.

This is no way to live a DD life. I like to compare our current situation to "going on a diet"--we are on the diet where we eat nothing but healthy stuff for one week and then completely let go on day 7 and binge eat all the junk food ever, rather than the diet where we eat healthy, but allow ourselves small treats every day or couple of days.

I need to stop "binge living" the DD lifestyle. I want to live it more frequently, but in smaller portions, rather than every other week in one large session.

So, after a particularly frustrating venting session of stress and resentment to my husband the other night, I told him that something needed to change. After some serious discussion, we came up with Domestic Discipline 2.0:

1. Less spanking. I know, this sounds counter-intuitive, but the fact of the matter is I love to be spanked. And the problem we run into is this: my husband will hug me, then, in the middle of the hug, lightly chastise me and spank me. In my mind, it's a fun, playful spanking, and, in his mind, it's a reminder/mini punishment for some remark or behavior from me.
2. If spanking is used for punishment, it is a separate action from any intimacy. This stems from the previous item, in that, if my husband does decide to spank me for something, it will not be while he's hugging me or cuddling with me. If it's a punishment, it will come with no touching or intimacy, so that I don't become confused about what kind of spanking it is.
3. Other forms of punishment. In order to have on-the-spot discipline more often, we needed to come up with other things besides spanking, since my husband often doesn't have the desire or energy to give me a full-on punishment spanking. So, we've come up with many other "mini punishment" ideas, including small amounts of corner time, responding with "Sir" for the rest of the evening, writing and reflection, and--my husbands idea--physical exercises!
4. Weekly check-in. Once a week, we will check in with each other on how DD is going and decide if anything needs to change.

My husband decided to try this new version out last night when I rolled my eyes at something (jokingly!), and he made me stand in the corner, take off my clothes, hold my arms above my head for several minutes, and, finally, do 5 push-ups. Oh, and I also was spanked somewhere in the middle of that.

I have a feeling this new version of DD will not only improve our relationship, but also my arm strength!

Easy Access

Pants suck. I mean, they are practical, for sure, but I hate when I hug my husband, and he can't even grab my bare bottom because there is material and a belt blocking every access point. We usually don't have time for him to undo my belt and slide my pants down if we are having a quick hug before he or I leave the house.

But when I'm wearing a skirt or dress...that "quick" hug is also accompanied by some delicious hand on bare bottom contact. I get turned on by the simple act of wearing a skirt, knowing that my husband can, at a moment's notice, flip it up with a flick of his wrist and start caressing or smacking my bottom.

I bought this summer dress on sale a couple of days ago. It's cute, short, and flouncy--in other words, an all-access pass for my husband's hands to my bottom. Despite the obvious temptation, though, he did take the time to snap a picture:

I've been wearing the dress a lot lately. I have to take advantage of it while I can, because fall is right around the corner, and I'll be right back in boring old pants, boots, belts, and sweaters. Cold weather is such a buzz kill!

Secretary

The movie Secretary came out when I was in high school (sorry to make anyone feel old by that statement). At that time, already an avid spanko, I was a devoted lurker of the online spanking community. (Another apology guys, those "18 and over" warnings are there to make you feel good, not to actually deter anyone under 18). So it was that the first reviews I ever saw on the movie came from fellow spankos. It seemed everyone generally liked the movie, albeit with some complaints (specifically that the female protagonist is fresh out of a mental institution at the beginning of the movie--she's institutionally crazy so she must be submissive!)

I decided in high school that I had to see for myself what this movie was all about, so I watched it...alone. I don't remember much of it. I was too young to really get it, because, although I was into spanking I was turned off by BDSM, so I did not grasp the subtle nuances of power exchange and D/s between the characters. I walked away from the movie wishing there had been more spanking scenes, hahaha.

A few days ago, my husband and I watched it for the first time together. He'd never seen it before and I hadn't seen it since high school. Holy cow, what a different experience. Let's just say I've grown up now, and I understood all the subtle nuances of the intense battle between sexual and emotional desire and societal norms/obligations.

Let's back up, though. I jumped on the 50 Shades of Grey bandwagon two years ago and read the book series all the way through in about a week. I admittedly panted through most of the spanking and sex scenes, but generally thought that the books were terribly written with a plot ripped off from Twilight (also terribly written), and characters that were about as "relatable" as a pile of cow manure.

Well, re-watching Secretary not only confirmed those suspicions that 50 Shades is absolute shit, but I also realized about, oh, 5 minutes in, that the author also jacked over half of the beautiful, subtle, and powerful niceties of this movie, starting with the name of James Spader's character, E. Edward Grey (come on, that can't be a coincidence!) It was as if E.L. James saw Secretary, read Twilight, and thought "Hey, there's an idea...except I'll make the characters even better by making one an abusive, emo, billionaire control freak who gives up pretty much all of his sexual fantasies and life goals for an unbelievably naive, virgin, vanilla college girl who thinks her man's abusive and obsessive behavior is totally "going to change for her" because they're in love, of course."

Sarcasm aside, I understand the draw of 50 Shades of Grey, I really do. There's a reason it's so god damn popular. But after watching Secretary, I thought, now here is the closest our world has ever come to being realistically depicted in Hollywood, and here we are bitching that the protagonist isn't quite as feminist/strong/normal as we would have liked. Come on, people! I think it's time we make a vow that, on February 14th, when 50 Shades of Grey hits movie theaters, we spankos/DDers/Dsers/TTWDers cozy up at home with our significant others and rent Secretary.

Whether you re-enact the scenes afterward is totally up to you.

For more information on why Secretary "should be viewed immediately" and 50 Shades of Grey never, see this article on Buzzfeed (yes, Buzzfeed!)