Saturday, September 13, 2014

Domestic Discipline 2.0



We've developed an unhealthy pattern over the past several weeks. I won't bother listing the possible reasons for it, but, the truth is, we are far from living DD 24/7. I'm OK with that. I don't need the lifestyle 24/7 to be happy, but I need to practice it sometimes--a couple times a day, once a day, even once every couple of days. But it's been more like once every other week, which is not good, because this is what happens:

It starts with one remark from me. I'll snap at my husband, say something disrespectful, or order him to do something, and he won't respond. Even if I apologize, he'll brush it off and we'll move on without any consequence other than guilt. But the hidden consequence of leniency, as any submissive in DD can attest to, is resentment. 

It doesn't happen all at once, so it's hard to tell exactly when I begin to resent my husband. But I'll admit that if I get away with disrespect once, it's that much easier for me to do it again. Pretty soon, I'll have frequent bouts of disrespect, and my resentment will grow with each remark that goes unpunished, and I'll start to think that my husband doesn't care or that he's ignoring DD. And then one day, I'll have what I call a "mini meltdown," where all of my frustrations and stress and resentment come pouring out in a river of complaints, and I'll finally get a serious spanking.

Then I'll feel loved, cared for, happy, and respectful for a few days, until I get away with another remark, and the cycle will begin all over again.

This is no way to live a DD life. I like to compare our current situation to "going on a diet"--we are on the diet where we eat nothing but healthy stuff for one week and then completely let go on day 7 and binge eat all the junk food ever, rather than the diet where we eat healthy, but allow ourselves small treats every day or couple of days.

I need to stop "binge living" the DD lifestyle. I want to live it more frequently, but in smaller portions, rather than every other week in one large session.

So, after a particularly frustrating venting session of stress and resentment to my husband the other night, I told him that something needed to change. After some serious discussion, we came up with Domestic Discipline 2.0:

  1. Less spanking. I know, this sounds counter-intuitive, but the fact of the matter is I love to be spanked. And the problem we run into is this: my husband will hug me, then, in the middle of the hug, lightly chastise me and spank me. In my mind, it's a fun, playful spanking, and, in his mind, it's a reminder/mini punishment for some remark or behavior from me.
  2. If spanking is used for punishment, it is a separate action from any intimacy. This stems from the previous item, in that, if my husband does decide to spank me for something, it will not be while he's hugging me or cuddling with me. If it's a punishment, it will come with no touching or intimacy, so that I don't become confused about what kind of spanking it is.
  3. Other forms of punishment. In order to have on-the-spot discipline more often, we needed to come up with other things besides spanking, since my husband often doesn't have the desire or energy to give me a full-on punishment spanking. So, we've come up with many other "mini punishment" ideas, including small amounts of corner time, responding with "Sir" for the rest of the evening, writing and reflection, and--my husbands idea--physical exercises!
  4. Weekly check-in. Once a week, we will check in with each other on how DD is going and decide if anything needs to change.
My husband decided to try this new version out last night when I rolled my eyes at something (jokingly!), and he made me stand in the corner, take off my clothes, hold my arms above my head for several minutes, and, finally, do 5 push-ups. Oh, and I also was spanked somewhere in the middle of that.

I have a feeling this new version of DD will not only improve our relationship, but also my arm strength!


18 comments:

  1. Excellent post Autumn. I recently commented on this topic (sort of) by saying that if it were to be a punishment spanking ... it should actually be a punishment spanking. Like the kind that is really only beginning when the spankee really wants it to stop. Only then can it be a deterrent to undesirable behavior. For me, Mistress K. has really, really, really stepped up both the severity and duration of my punishment spankings and as such, has actually deterred bad behavior.

    Love your blog.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Sub Hub! I saw your comment on Hermione's brunch this week, which led me to *your* blog, which I also love! I have had a couple of punishment spankings that were severe enough to the point where I really wanted them to end, and they were also *quite* effective.

      Delete
  2. Hi Autumn. Thanks for the comment left on my blog. Just discovered yours, and I really related to this post in particular. I've often felt the resentment that arises when bad behavior goes unpunished.

    Dan

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Dan, just discovered your blog today too! Thanks for stopping by to read :)

      Delete
  3. Ah, Autumn....I can draw so many parallels to my own relationship here. Excellently put. It does seem like a diet sometimes and I think the fact that we like to be spanked can so often be confusing to our men. It doesn't mean that it can't be an effective punishment, as the discipline is also craved for our own good. Can't wait to hear how 2.0 is working for you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, HP! I know many of us go through this, so it's nice to have support.

      Delete
  4. Hi Autumn, well, when you've really figured all this thing out, let me know. Every time I think we've got it sorted, it all goes 'tits up'. LOL

    A couple of things I have learned since we started out, is that if spankings (of any sort) are too frequent, I don't 'appreciate' them. I just begin to request more, harder, longer. However, even after a discipline spanking, I need the reassurance that love-making brings with it. Once, very early on, there was no post-spanking sex, and I felt very angry and resentful. It made the spanking feel too clinical.

    As for all the other things - well, Dan's reaction to corner time was to laugh like a drain, and he is very much against treating me like a child. So he shows his dominance in other ways, which sometimes irritate, but which I can understand.

    The main thing is that you find out what suits you as a couple. We are all different in what we expect from DD/TTWD as well as the way we live the dynamic. Just try to be open to alternatives, and to moving at your own speed.

    Hugs
    Ami

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks so much for your comment! It's reassuring to hear that the infrequency of your spankings made you appreciate them more. I need to keep that in mind, because when they are long, hard, and serious, I REALLY appreciate them, and I wouldn't want to lose that appreciation.

      As for corner time, well, my husband LOVES to put me in the corner. Mostly, because the anticipation of having to wait for him to come over to me drives me crazy. I'm like putty in his hands afterward, lol ;)

      Delete
  5. Hi Autumn, the procedure you describe sounds pretty familiar to me too. This is the annoying kind of slow build up, bit by bit, over time. They are the little things, where one may not even be considered important enough, and just add some lack of time to deal with infractions and the recipe for resentment and frustration is complete.
    We have become better over the years, and I can only agree that it is maybe important not to mix pleasure and punishment. Apart from hands, we have alternative implements which are exclusively used for punishment, too. Hubby also creates a completely different kind of atmosphere, so that I know he is serious and means business.
    Since I cannot be spanked for the time being, hubby has used more of the other ways of discipline on me. Corner time works fine, it is dead boring. Writing lines never did, because I enjoy writing, though repeating one sentence all over and over again is boring, too. …. :-D Ha! I won’t go into details with some of the other meaner and completely painless ones, because I know that your husband reads here on occasion too! (I won’t tell hubby that you put corner time under ‘mini punishments’ either, as I don’t want him to get the impression he should be stricter…). I think that things will definitely improve for you, not only your muscles, due to the push-ups.
    The most important part is that you communicate and work on changes to improve and that’s why I am absolutely sure this will work out for you. A weekly check-in is a great idea too, just to see what works best or where to change something. I would love to hear you tell how this change feels once you have collected a few weeks’ experience with it.

    hugs

    Nina

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for not going into details about your mean punishments, Nina! My husband doesn't need anymore ideas for the time being ;)


      We are definitely determined to make this work--there's no going back at this point, so we will have to tweak it and communicate often to make it work for us.

      Delete
  6. Hi Autumn! Going through similar over here! This post really helped me to put what I was feeling into perspective. Thanks! I hope your new "procedures" help!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! My arms hurt! I guess that means they are working? Lol.

      Delete
  7. I had to laugh at the physical exercise part - No doubt that is his military influence at work! ;)

    The weekly check-ins are excellent as that is the key to any relationship - communication! and lots of it.

    I have mentioned this before that punishments spankings should be clearly that - punishment. This is in order to avoid any possible confusion with "fun-ishments". Punishments should be firm spankings that leave a lasting impression. Not just a few random swats that sting briefly and then fade within hours. If you are feeling the after effects long afterwards and forced to reflect than that is the right track.

    My suggestion for other forms of punishment - I suggest quite time. Quite time with absolutely no words from you. You at his side, for the rest of the evening and dressed in nothing but panties, while quietly at his side. Depending on the girl's/your inhibitions, it can do wonders for the tense bratty soul.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I feel like I'm at boot camp...and not DD boot camp. My arms hurt already!

      I really like your suggestion for quiet time. It sounds like it *may* not be a punishment, though ;)

      Delete
  8. Hey Autumn,
    I definitely understand the frustration and resentment that you can feel, I know for us (and this is just us) we need to keep our dynamic rather serious, it just works better for us. I think all you really need is time and patience to figure out what works for you as a couple, and you guys are doing great..something wasn't working and you both talked and figured out what could work better for both of you..That's pretty awesome. Good luck with the new version!!

    Hugs

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree with keeping it serious, Jennelle. It's really important for me to have the right mindset during punishments versus "spanking fun." Thanks for the well wishes!

      Delete
  9. Arm strength is good! :) Looking forward to hearing how v2.0 goes!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I won't complain about more arm muscle!

      Delete