Monday, March 23, 2015

The Spanko/Vanilla Answers

Here are the answers to this month's questions for both me and my husband. I wanted him to chime in this year, to give a little perspective on what it was like, one year in, for a former vanilla in a DD/TTWD relationship. Alas, he is a man of few words when he's put on the spot, but I managed to pry more than just "yes" and "no" answers from him :)

Nina asked: What is most important to you in a friendship? How would you and your husband describe each other in one word?

He: Mutual trust is the most important thing in my friendships. And I would describe my wife as "strong."

She: This is a hard question for me, because, in all honesty, I don't consider myself to be a very good friend--I am absolutely horrible at keeping in touch with those who've been in my life. I think a willingness to truly listen, though, is probably most important. I would describe my husband as "selfless."

Enzo asked: Since you started this, have your views changed towards being open to trying more things? Also, do any of your friends know about your spanking interest? If so, what has been the reaction?

He: Since starting DD, I'm actually more open to S&M. Before I met my wife, I had no exposure to that sort of thing, and now I'd be open to seeing dungeons or, group stuff.

She: I'll start with saying that none of our friends know, which is why my husband did not answer that question. I would love to do a DD meetup with other couples I've met on here. And my husband is open to seeing another man spank me. I would actually like to be spanked by a woman someday, and I've gone back and forth with wanting to attend one of those huge spanking parties like Crimson Moon or Shadow Lane...I don't know yet. Fantasizing about these things and making them happen are obviously very different things. The DD meetup seems to be the most harmless of the bunch at the moment!

Dan asked: Does [your husband] have any advice on how to overcome the reluctance to "hurt" someone they care about?

He: I overcame that reluctance, ultimately, because my wife wanted it, and, secondly, because I didn't see it as a permanent pain--I saw it as temporary pain for her pleasure. I like to compare it to running--why do people go running when they know it's going to hurt their legs? It's cause of the endorphin rush or the "pleasure" aspect of it.

She: I don't know how he ultimately reconciled it, but it took quite a bit of convincing that I really wanted it--that, to me, the pain was like a tiny negative side affect of all the pleasurable aspects to spanking.

Very good questions and thank you all for asking, and, if there are still inquiring readers who want to know more, please ask!


  1. I love that you are both answering these questions....
    hugs abby

    1. Thanks, Abby. I always love to hear from the SO's of fellow bloggers. I may have him do a guest post or two :)

  2. Replies
    1. Me too; I thought that was clever. Although, I've been doing Insanity lately and I *still* don't know why I do it. It is way more painful than any spanking!

  3. I'm with Leigh, great analogy and one my husband would understand - not that he's a runner :)
    thank you both for answering.

    1. I liked it too--it's almost running season for me again! I come out of hibernation when it's warm.

  4. Hi Autumn, great answers, I loved what both of you wrote as important in friendships and can only agree. Is it possible that one reason why keeping in touch with friends is difficult is because you have so many things going on all the time?

    I fully get you on the DD meetup but would also recommend to try it under safe circumstances only, such as an established club, where you could also just go and have a drink with no obligation to play.



    1. I suppose we're all pretty busy, but I think that Facebook has, in some ways, made keeping in contact even worse, because I already know everything going on in my friends' lives without even having to talk to them (babies...lots of babies, lol).

      And I really understand where you're coming from with the DD meet-up. I think it's important that I differentiate between a DD meetup and a spanking party: I envision the DD meetup being with my husband and me plus a few blogger friends I've met through here; whereas a spanking party is almost like a convention with tons of strangers who love spanking (most know each other, though, and you have to be extended an invitation by someone who knows you). Either way, I would never go without my husband and we would definitely be safe about it :)

  5. Hey Autumn,
    Thanks for answering my questions.

    I'm with you on the big spanking parties; I also have not attended one, and fluctuate on if I really would enjoy it or not. It somehow brings up memories of high school dances where the "cool kids" all already know each other and the odd kids walk around in a circle along the perimeter; etc. LOL Again, I truly can't say as I've never been.

    I too would love to meet up with fellow bloggers in a smaller setting. I think that would be great on so many levels.


    1. I agree--I sometimes wonder if those giant spanking parties will even continue, since it seems to be a "club" of people who started them. I've always been kind of put-off by the spanking "celebrities," lol.

      Bloggers seem much more approachable!

  6. I also really love the running analogy. Doing it because it's good for you in the long term!.
    Great answers from you both.