I'm positioned over his lap so that my head is right next to his nightstand--where I suspect my favorite implement is. So, without prompting and without moving my body an inch, I reach up and open the drawer to peek inside.
"What are you doing, young lady? Did I tell you to move or open that drawer?" he asks.
"I was just looking!" I reply.
Hard smacks ensue. Then he announces that we are going to play a little game called "Sir Says." I take an educated guess that the premise of the game is going to be like "Simon Says," and I'm feeling pretty good, because I've always been good at Simon Says!
"Sir says get on all fours," he says.
Up I go onto all fours, and he spanks me like that for a while.
"Sir says lay back down," he says.
I lay back down. This is easy!
"Open the drawer and get me an implement," he says.
I don't move. Ha, he can't get me that easily!
"Open the drawer," he says.
"Are you disobeying a direct order, young lady?" he asks.
"Uuuuhhh...yes sir? Isn't that the game?" I ask.
"You're assuming the rules are the same," he says, as he lets loose a flurry of hard and fast smacks to my poor bottom cheeks. I yell out and squirm around, making him laugh. It seems he is really enjoying this.
"Open the drawer and get me an implement," he says, again.
Now that I know his clever "rules," I open the drawer and pull out an implement.
"Did I say 'Sir Says'?" he asks. "No! You broke the rules."
My bottom is assaulted by another wave of hard, fast smacks, this time with the little wooden spatula I've pulled out. I squirm around even more.
"This game isn't faaaaaaaaair!!!!" I whine. "I can't win!!!"
"Did I say it was fair? I'm the winner of this game, young lady," he says, as he continues to redden my cheeks with the spatula.
What a clever guy my husband is. I resign myself to my losing status, but the game doesn't last very long, as we are both laughing considerably. He puts lotion on my bottom later, and I can't help thinking that I was the winner of the game, despite the rules being obviously tipped in his favor.