Who's In Charge?

I love playful spankings.

My husband has been gone the past couple of days, and I've really missed him.  If you've read earlier posts, you'll recall that, when we first started living DD, my husband woke me up in the morning to remind me of "who's in charge."  That didn't really work out, because I have a lot of trouble getting back to sleep, and my sleep is vital to my job performance as a singer.

Well, this morning I happened to wake up before he did, and we lay in bed together, touching and holding each other.  The topic of "who's in charge" came up, because I playfully told him that I did not know who was in charge when he was gone--it could have been anyone, for all I know.  Then I mentioned that those "who's in charge" reminders seemed to have died out after 2 days.

I don't know why I say things like this.  I can't afford to be woken up every day, so I don't really want daily spankings in the morning, but I did want one now, which is probably why I said that.

"You think they died out after two days, huh?" he said.  "Well, you must have short term memory loss, because I've given you plenty of them, but I stopped giving them to you in the morning, because you couldn't sleep."

"No, you're right, I don't want them in the morning," I replied.

"Well, morning seems to be the best time to give them to you, otherwise you forget they even happened," he said.

"Nooo, please don't wake me up in the mornings.  I really appreciate you not waking me up," I pleaded.

"We'll see," he answered, and he got up to get ready for work.  I put on my pouty face, and he crawled back into bed and pulled me over his lap for my "who's in charge" reminder.

Afterward, he asked me who was in charge.

"You are, Sir," I smiled.

Christmas in February

I received a really late Christmas gift from my brother and sister in law in the mail a couple days ago, but who isn't excited to get a Christmas present anytime of the year???

They got me a gift card to Victoria Secret, and I have been dying to get a silky, sexy baby doll nightie for quite some time.  My husband has been gone doing army stuff for the last couple days (and night), so tonight, I'll surprise him wearing one of these:

Or maybe this:

In any case, whatever I buy is inevitably going to depend on what I look like from behind :)

Powering Off

Our electronics own us.

My husband and I have vowed to spend less time with our electronics in the evening and more time with each other.  Some days, we follow through and remember to set aside our computers/phones and turn off the TV, so we can talk or cuddle.  Other days, we fall into the old habits and stay in front of the glowing screens until it's time for bed.

Yesterday evening fell into the latter way of things, and I realized close to bedtime that we hadn't spent any face to face time with each other.  I complained about it, even though he had tried to hug me earlier in the evening, and I had pushed him away. He knew I was disappointed, and he got ready for bed and waited for me to come in.

I climbed into bed without so much as a word and did my usual routine of applying lotion and chap stick.

"Come here, young lady, I want to say goodnight," he said.

I lay down and scooted closer to him so we could cuddle.  We lay there silently in each others arms for a bit, when he suddenly pulled my hair...hard.  He pulled me face to face with him, and I knew what was coming.

My breathing became faster and heavier as he tossed me over his lap.  He yanked down my pants and underwear with strict force.  He was being so harsh and rough, but God, it was just what I needed. The slaps of his hand on my bare bottom came hard and fast, with no accompanying lecture.  I squirmed and cried out, knowing exactly what he was feeling and and why this was happening.  There was nothing but spanking and powerful, heavy emotion radiating from both of us as we connected in a way that only dominance and submission provides.

And just like that, it was over.  He pulled me to him without a word, and we lay there for many more minutes, spooning and holding each other tightly.

"Thank you," I said.  "You make me so happy."  And I couldn't stop smiling until I turned off the light to go to sleep.

The Spanking Revelation

This week was exhausting for my H and I, in terms of hashing out our relationship and our new venture into DD.

When we first started DD a couple of weeks ago, my husband was gun-ho about it for several days.  I was rather surprised at how quickly he stepped into his role.  I knew things would not continue so well forever, because life is...life.  Now we have relaxed a bit into our old ways, and the DD dynamic is often not there, but this doesn't mean it has disappeared.

I knew going into DD that it was something we'd need to ease into and discuss how it's going frequently, because I don't know exactly what I want at this point, and I sure don't expect my husband to automatically know what I want.  I know that I will often need to give suggestions and encouragement in order to keep it alive in our relationship, and I am totally fine with that.  My husband is doing this for me, and I never want to take that for granted or get frustrated because it doesn't come naturally to him.

The other day, we were deciding what we should do for the evening, and I was in a really bad mood.  I was disappointed that the DD dynamic was not as prevalent, and I was exhausted by our various disagreements throughout the week, and, to top it all off, I was ravenous and previous dinner plans had just been canceled.

"I should probably spank you right now," he said,in response to some eye roll or sarcastic response from me.

"Oh, OK," I said.  I walked away, annoyed.  I was pushing back, because I felt apathetic, frustrated, tired, and disappointed.  I continued in my mood for another half hour or so, and I was frustrated that my husband did not follow through with his threat, though I didn't want to tell him that.

He finally got the hint when I was in the bathroom doing my makeup before going out for dinner.  He spanked me over my skirt several times and said I would get the rest after dinner.  I sighed heavily and gave him a "look" because I know what happens when he puts things off.  They don't happen.  Whenever we put off sex or spanking until a more convenient time, it never gets done because we're too tired, too full, too busy, etc...

He knows this too, and told me to take down my tights and underwear.  He spanked me bare with his hand in the bathroom, but it was really loud in such an enclosed space and it was hurting my ears.  He told me to get in the bedroom and get over his lap, where the real spanking began.

The spanking went on for a while, and included a lecture about how he doesn't like to spank me when I'm in a bad mood because it kills his motivation when I push back or brush him off.  He told me that he's trying his best to do this for me, and that I can't expect him to always have the motivation to do what I want him to. This made me feel really bad, because I am so appreciative that he does this for me, and I told myself from the beginning that I would be patient, realistic, and grateful in my expectations for him.

Then I realized something (and this is going to sound ridiculous that I didn't realize it earlier):  I was not craving a spanking from him; I was craving a discussion and a resolution to the events of the past week.  You see, my husband disappointed me several times this week--I won't go into details, because they have nothing to do with DD, but it was one of those weeks where I wish he wanted discipline, because it would probably resolve my hurt feelings a lot faster!

Anyway, I didn't realize how hurt and disappointed I was by everything that happened until I was laying over his lap, and suddenly, I knew everything that I wanted to say to him.  All of my feelings and moods became clearer and I knew exactly what was bothering me, and it wasn't our lack of DD at all.

I asked permission to speak freely over his lap, and then I poured out my new found realization, and we had an intimate and productive discussion, all while I was laying over his lap.  Trying to picture a couple having a deep discussion together in this position makes me laugh.  Only this community will understand that this position is sometimes the best way to have a discussion, and that feelings and revelations that you didn't know you had seem to come to the forefront.

We resolved our issues the best we could during that discussion, and then we cuddled for a while, and he apologized to me in his own way ;)  And the rest of the evening was fantastic--we gorged ourselves on Mexican food and I was once again in a good mood, all because of my spanking revelation!

My Kinky Valentine

On Valentine's Day, we took a post-romantic dinner trip to the vanilla adult store and bought a game called "Fetish Seductions," thinking we'd get a good laugh out of how the normal world thinks of fetishes.  The box came with a flimsy blindfold, what looks like shoestrings, a feather tickler, and a soy candle, hahaha.

So kinky

But for all it's lack of sophistication, we've sure had a blast with it!  Some of the activities are ridiculous, others are simply hilarious, and some are...surprisingly strange.

The soy candle was one of the funnier activities.  Ironically, we rolled the dice and the chosen card told me to play submissive to my husband (well, there's a new one), so he tied me up with the shoe strings which I promptly tugged and undid, put the blindfold over me, and lit the candle.  He then proceeded to turn my bottom into a glowing pink canvas and decorate it with dripping hot candle wax.  This was the end result:

Not something your 4 year old could do

My husband, an artist in the making!  It might have been sexier had the dripping hot candle wax not made me jump all over and laugh hysterically from the sensation it caused.  By the time it was over, I was breathless from laughing so hard and more worried about not getting wax all over the bed sheets than anything.  I admired my husband's work in the mirror for a bit, then hopped in the shower to scrub it all off...still not sure about the state of our shower drain after this episode of "kinky" fun.

We've played the game one other time where I got to be the dominant one (!)  I relished it while I could, believe me ;)

Red Bottoms

Happy Valentine's Day to my new friends in DD.  I wish you all many more years with your sweethearts and many more red bottoms (I'm talking about the shoes...look at the red bottoms on those shoes!)

Learning to Drive with Him

Our new car

It's been a rough couple of days.  Our lifestyle has seemingly taken a back seat to other responsibilities, such as learning to drive a manual transmission...(haha, do you get the back seat pun now?)

My sister taught me to drive a stick shift long ago, but driving stick is one of those "if you don't use it, you lose it" things, because I feel like I'm taking driver's ed all over again.  Except this time, the car stalls out every five feet.

My husband already knows how to drive manual, but I decided to give it a go while he was at work.  With no one in the car to tell me what I was doing wrong, I couldn't even get the car to the end of the street.  I'm embarrassed to say how many times I stalled out (let's just say, you'd have to use fingers and toes to count), but I eventually stalled it into somewhat of a parking spot on the street, and broke down into sobs, and ran back into the house to mope.  Not my finest moment.

But I'm not one to stay off the horse, so, when my husband came home from work, I announced that I wanted to drive us to the Panera Bread down the street to get dinner.  With my husband in the car, I was able to make it all the way to the intersection in front of the restaurant, where I waited at the stoplight to turn left into the parking lot.

The green arrow lit up.  I went for the turn.  I stalled.  The car behind me honked and honked.  And by the time I started the car up, the light had turned red again.  I was really flustered, and my poor husband was trying to get me to take a deep breath, relax, and not feel the pressure of the growing line of cars behind me.

The light turned green again.  I went for it.  I stalled.  The entire line of cars honked and inevitably yelled obscenities at me.  I began to get hysterical, yelling at my husband to switch places with me.  By this time, the light was red again, and the line of cars was stretched back to where the left turn lane began.  I freaked out, threw the car into park, and made my husband get into the driver's seat while I, too embarrassed to even get out of the car, crawled over the console into the passenger seat.

Once in the parking lot of Panera, I was again sobbing, saying I would never learn to drive this fucking car and I would be stuck at home forever with no vehicle to drive.  Yeah, I'm a bit of a drama queen.  My husband spent the next 10 minutes comforting me, giving me pep talks, saying everything would be alright, these things take time, and I'd be driving around comfortably in no time.

I treated myself to a cupcake at Panera, because, goddamn it, I deserved it.

What does this experience have to do with DD, you ask?  Well, if you haven't caught on to the analogy by now, it's all about my husband taking the driver's seat!  I asked for this lifestyle because I want his guidance, his corrections, and his comforting words and actions.  Him doing this for me makes me feel more confident, more productive, and prouder of myself.  I'm already a pretty motivated person, but this lifestyle gives me extra incentive to be the person I know I can be.  And I feel so loved and so cared for to know that my husband is there to teach me, correct me, and give me pep talks (sometimes on my bottom).

And I can already see the results--for example, today I drove all the way to the grocery store 20 minutes away and back without so much as a shudder! (OK, the car shuddered occasionally.) And my husband was in the seat next to me, guiding me when I needed it and cheering me on when I deserved it--a metaphor for the lifestyle that has given me new found confidence, reassurance, and affection.

Pushing "Reset"

Anyone remember having to push "reset" on the original Nintendo console when the game decided to resemble a mowed lawn on your TV screen? Well, attention from my husband acts as a sort of "reset" button for me.  Last night, I finally got the attention I was craving all weekend from him, but not without some questionable behavior on my part : /

He came home from drill exhausted, and, after we hugged and ate tacos, we laid down on the living room carpet to talk.  I was telling him about my day, and he fell asleep...

He was so adorable and peaceful passed out on the floor, so I quietly moved away and did my own thing, but I was somewhat disappointed that we had hardly touched each other all weekend, and now I had to wait even longer!

It was a power nap...he woke up about a half hour later, and we immediately began the business of preparing all of the necessary paperwork for registering our new car and getting me an in-state driver's license the next day. I perfectly understood that all of this needed to be done, but I couldn't help getting more and more resentful as it got later and later.  I wanted attention, damn it, and though I was trying my best to be patient and attentive, I finally burst out:

"You haven't given me attention all evening!  You've been gone all weekend, we haven't had time for anything, and you haven't spanked me in two days!  I broke a rule and you didn't even know it!  And I started a spanking blog two days ago!"

All of this poured out in a less-than-flattering whiny voice of impatience.  He sighed.

"You're testing me," he said.

"Maybe," I replied.

Time to push "reset."  He pulled me over his lap, rid me of my pants and underwear, and finally delivered my well overdue and, at this point, well deserved spanking.

"So, when were you planning on telling me about this blog?  You're welcome to volunteer information anytime, young lady.  I shouldn't have to ask you every single day whether you've done what you're supposed to," he lectured, while attending to my bottom with his hand.  At this point, we began to banter back and forth about what, in particular, he had missed by not inquiring about my actions.  He is very lenient in allowing me to backtalk and discuss my point while I'm over his lap, which is something I may have to suggest he change  (remember, he was born vanilla and very new to all of this--I'm the one who suggests rules and he chooses whether to make them official :)

One thing he is not lenient about, however, is my requirement to address him as "Sir" while I am over his lap (this one he came up with on his own).  And I was very much neglecting the requirement, what with trying to make a point and all.  His spanks suddenly became much sharper and harder, taking me by surprise, and effectively shutting me up.

"Are you forgetting something, young lady?" he asked.

"Ow!!  Yes, sir!" I cried out.

He finished out the spanking in silence, and, after it was over, I sat up in his lap, facing him, and he held me in his arms for a long time.  I felt so loved and so at home there, finally getting the attention I missed all weekend.

Our new lifestyle has made me insanely affectionate, and my craving for physical intimacy and attention from him is practically insatiable.  If it doesn't happen a couple times a day, I become ornery, restless, and resentful.

But, his firm then loving attention to my whiny impatience reset me to a happy, content, and rational wife.

Forgetting the Loneliness

My husband is a reservist in the army (he is stunning in a uniform, ladies ;), and this means that one weekend per month, he is gone.  I really don't like it when he has drill, because he gets up and leaves at 4:30 am and doesn't come home until around 8:30 pm, and then tries to go to bed by 9:00 pm.  And even if you suck at math, you can deduct that this schedule leaves no time for spanking his lovely wife, let alone spending time with her.

I spent a lonely Saturday today, mostly watching the more obscure Olympic sports, relishing every new comment on my blog, and thinking back on yesterday's impromptu spanking:

We are getting a new car because someone totaled our other one (not my fault!), and yesterday evening we were printing and making copies of all the necessary paperwork.  I was not particularly excited about the whole process and was on the couch with my computer and my warm, fluffy cat curled up on my lap.

He told me, "Babe, I need you to go get the copies from the printer."  (We have a wireless printer that sits in an unused room of our house, so, when printing anything, one must get up and go into said room.)

"OK, I'll get them in a minute, the cat is sleeping," I said, as if this were some sort of rarity for a cat.

As soon as I said I would get them, I promptly forgot about the request, and continued doing whatever I was doing.

Several minutes later, "Babe, where are the copies?!"

"Oh...I forgot, I'll go get them," I pushed a disgruntled cat to the floor and went to the office.  I am notorious for forgetting things, and I chuckled at my husband, like it was same ol' same ol' for me.

As I stepped out of the office, he snatched me up with one arm, bent me over the other, and yanked down my pants and panties.

He then proceeded to assault my bottom with sharp, stinging smacks, taking my breath away at the suddenness of it all.

"When I tell you to do something, you do it, young lady.  You got that?"

"Yes, sir," I replied, breathlessly.  He spanked me several more times, then pulled up my pants with a reminder that I should honor his requests right away, lest I forget what they are several seconds later.

It was short and delectably harsh, but a spanking like that makes a girl forget the loneliness for at least a couple hours.

My name is Autumn, and I've been happy for 7 days.

Not me pictured...or my husband

Domestic discipline is not for me.  

I've been a spanko for 26 years (a.k.a. since birth), and not once did I ever, ever think I would enter into a DD lifestyle.  I'm too stubborn, too free-spirited, too independent, and a bit of a feminist to boot.  Sure, I want my husband to spank me, but I would never in a million years want my husband to take authority over my actions and my life and the way I choose to live it.  HA HA.

Last week, I told my husband that I wanted to start living a DD lifestyle.  

Feminists everywhere better be applauding, because it's my choice, damn it, and as much as I fought the notion for years and years, I realized it's exactly what I want and need to be a better person for myself and for my romantic relationship with my husband.  It's what I've been craving for so long, but the whole idea of it, I'll admit, terrified me.

A few of the things I thought would happen in a DD lifestyle:

1. The whole dynamic of my relationship with my husband will change--everything will be more serious, and we won't be able to laugh and joke around as much as we used to.
2. I won't be able to argue my point anymore--I'll have to shut up and accept everything without dissent.
3. I'll just laugh during my punishments--I won't be able to take them seriously, because I'm being spanked and I love to be spanked.

Exactly zero of these things are true about the DD lifestyle, because, guess what, everyone gets to establish their own rules and make the lifestyle unique to their wants and needs!  When it comes to DD, there is no wrong, because you make it right.  If one aspect doesn't work, you ditch it, and try something new (for example, my husband was waking me up every morning to spank me before he went to work, and that lasted for exactly one day, when I got 4 hours of sleep because I was unable to go back to sleep after being spanked--now he spanks me after work).

I digress into our history for a moment.  My husband and I have been married for 2 years now, together for 7, and, since I broke the news of my deep, dark secret to him 6 years ago, he's been very attentive to my spanking desires and needs.  He was as vanilla as they come when I first started dating him, but he has always wanted nothing more than to make me happy (God, I love him), and so, he strove to fulfill my spanking fantasies from the moment I told him.  And, for a few years, they were fulfilled, but, recently, our passion has begun to settle down for the long haul (a.k.a. marriage), as passion is wont to do when it's no longer "new."

Lately, we've both been feeling depressed, sexually frustrated, and more likely to spend time with our electronic devices than with each other.  I'm currently not working full time, and I've been in sort of a lazy slump of mindless days at home, sleeping in, and going between my phone, computer, and the TV morning through evening (sounds great, but it's not)  Last week, it had been weeks since we'd had great sex and even longer since I'd been spanked, and, when I hinted at wanting one, my husband admitted that spanking me was about as exciting as doing the dishes after dinner...yikes.

He no longer felt the desire to do it, not because he didn't want to make me happy, but because spanking for spanking's sake was actually no longer making me happy.  I couldn't get into it.  I couldn't get to that perfect, mesmerizing space of submission, love, and passion.  It felt staged, not hard enough, not long enough, too hard, too long, not right.  And, worse, the laziness and lack of motivation I felt from my lifestyle was leading to frequent frustration and bad moods that I took out on my husband.  I felt resentment, disrespect, and apathy toward him, because I he wasn't giving me what I wanted, even though I didn't even know what I wanted.

I decided to sit down one day and write in a blank word document until I figured out what I wanted to happen in my life and in my relationship.  Turns out, I wanted to be disciplined...badly.  I was craving it, and, at the same time, dismissing the idea as ludicrous.  So, my husband came home from work, and I told him what I wanted, and spent the next 2 hours telling him how much he needed to do this for me.

He was reluctant and had several objections, but he was willing to give it a try, and boy did he step into his role fast.  Honestly, for a reluctant HOH, he is absolutely relishing his new found authority. And, guess what?  We laugh, joke, and play around more than we used to.  I still argue all my points constructively and we come to mutual decisions.  I'm happier, more productive, and feeling confident in my ideas and decisions. And, most importantly, we can't take our hands off each other.  I want my husband more than I have ever wanted him before.  I accept my punishments from him, and I get butterflies in my stomach, and then we make love like newlyweds.  

I don't expect it to always be this way.  Hell, if it's this easy for the rest of our lives, I'll be campaigning on the streets for DD lifestyles.  But for now, this is absolutely what I want and it's enabling me to give my husband what he wants, and this is making us happier, closer, and more in love than we ever have been.  The only disappointment is that we didn't start sooner.