The Spanko/Vanilla Answers

Here are the answers to this month's questions for both me and my husband. I wanted him to chime in this year, to give a little perspective on what it was like, one year in, for a former vanilla in a DD/TTWD relationship. Alas, he is a man of few words when he's put on the spot, but I managed to pry more than just "yes" and "no" answers from him :)


Nina asked: What is most important to you in a friendship? How would you and your husband describe each other in one word?

He: Mutual trust is the most important thing in my friendships. And I would describe my wife as "strong."

She: This is a hard question for me, because, in all honesty, I don't consider myself to be a very good friend--I am absolutely horrible at keeping in touch with those who've been in my life. I think a willingness to truly listen, though, is probably most important. I would describe my husband as "selfless."


Enzo asked: Since you started this, have your views changed towards being open to trying more things? Also, do any of your friends know about your spanking interest? If so, what has been the reaction?

He: Since starting DD, I'm actually more open to S&M. Before I met my wife, I had no exposure to that sort of thing, and now I'd be open to seeing dungeons or whatever...party, group stuff.

She: I'll start with saying that none of our friends know, which is why my husband did not answer that question. I would love to do a DD meetup with other couples I've met on here. And my husband is open to seeing another man spank me. I would actually like to be spanked by a woman someday, and I've gone back and forth with wanting to attend one of those huge spanking parties like Crimson Moon or Shadow Lane...I don't know yet. Fantasizing about these things and making them happen are obviously very different things. The DD meetup seems to be the most harmless of the bunch at the moment!


Dan asked: Does [your husband] have any advice on how to overcome the reluctance to "hurt" someone they care about?

He: I overcame that reluctance, ultimately, because my wife wanted it, and, secondly, because I didn't see it as a permanent pain--I saw it as temporary pain for her pleasure. I like to compare it to running--why do people go running when they know it's going to hurt their legs? It's cause of the endorphin rush or the "pleasure" aspect of it.

She: I don't know how he ultimately reconciled it, but it took quite a bit of convincing that I really wanted it--that, to me, the pain was like a tiny negative side affect of all the pleasurable aspects to spanking.


Very good questions and thank you all for asking, and, if there are still inquiring readers who want to know more, please ask!

I Have Answers

Time to answer questions!

Sara asked:  What do you like best about being in DD relationship?

My favorite thing is the respect, care, and love I have for my husband that wasn't as present before.  I am so appreciative of him and affectionate with him now--I feel a much stronger emotional connection to him than I ever had before.

Aaron asked:  Where would you most like to be spanked outside the bedroom?

I think the better question here is where would I not like to be spanked, haha.  Hmmm...seriously though, some of my more prominent fantasies involve my husband pulling the car over to the side of the road and spanking me over the hood of the car (this would have to be a remote road) because he can't let it wait until we get home.  Also, being pulled dripping wet out of the shower and spanked in the bathroom seems sooo exciting to me, although that will involve lots of towel-drying the bathroom floor afterward.

Olive Oil asked:  What is your favorite/least favorite implement to be spanked with?  And what do you do to help put yourself in a submissive mindset?

My favorite implement is a little wooden spatula we have that's already chipped in one corner from being used on my bottom (buns of steel, right here).  I'm not really sure what my least favorite is--my husband doesn't use implements often, and I wish he would.  Our collection isn't very large (are you reading this, oh husband mine?).  He uses his hand for almost every spanking, but I like the feel of different implements, although they usually hurt more than his hand.  His hand is nice as a reprieve after he's been using a particularly stingy implement for a while.

So far, I don't have anything that I do by myself to feel submissive.  My husband puts me in a submissive mindset by talking to me.  This is why lectures are sooo important to me, because spanking alone does not make me feel submissive.  In fact, I think my husband could deliver a punishment with words alone, and it would do the job.  He always makes me feel submissive when he talks sternly to me.

Anonymous asked:  Do you enjoy anal as a form of discipline?

Never tried it; not sure if I ever will.  My husband has mentioned wanting to try it, but I just...ugh, no thanks. I don't think it's for me.

Es May asked:  How has your marriage changed with DD in it?

My answer to this one is similar to Sara's question above.  We are more connected, more lovingly affectionate, and more appreciative of each other now (at least we voice it more often than we used to).  I have such a deep respect for my husband now that I didn't know I could have before.  I love that feeling, because I love him and I want to respect him all the time.

Enzo asked:  Do any of your friends know about your preference for DD and if not, would you tell them?

The simple answer is no, none of my friends know about our lifestyle, but I suspect my parents knew I was a spanko growing up--even if they don't know that "official" label.  I'm not sure if I would tell any of my friends; however, part of the reason why I have a real picture of myself as my avatar (yup, that's me!) and why I use my real name is because, if anyone who knows me in real life happens to stumble on my blog because they are researching this lifestyle, I would want them to know they could confide in me.  I guess I'm hoping I might be discovered by someone and be able to talk about this lifestyle with a friend in my vanilla life.

Tomsrose asked:  What has been your biggest hurdle in becoming submissive in the relationship? What about your husband?  Is there any struggle he would want to share?

I think I'm still in the process of getting over my big hurdle.  I will be posting about this soon, but I haven't been taking my rules as seriously as I should be, and it has disappointed my husband, because he is trying so hard to fulfill his role (and doing an awesome job, btw).

From my husband:  The struggle is getting into a DD lifestyle when I don't have the natural inclination to be a Dom or physically enforce a rule.

Thanks for all the questions, everyone!  I've enjoyed reading all of your answers to questions as well--this was a fun thing to do in March.