It's time for some Quiet Reflection. With my husband gone, I've had some time (though not much!) to be alone and think--reflect--on how DD is going. I do feel that it's going well. It is definitely not 24/7 for us. It's more like once or twice a week, but that is enough for now. I'm not sure what I will want in the future, but, frankly, I don't want to think about it. I want to take this as it comes, day by day, and not worry about how I will feel or whether I will be satisfied in the future.
My husband, however, is what I call a "future crisis planner"--meaning, for any given situation, he thinks of everything that could go wrong and voices it. He often detects problems and brings them up long before they happen, and sometimes I wonder if his "problem solving" actually creates problems. Or I think about what would actually happen if he didn't speculate about what could happen. Most of the time, I do appreciate his foresight, though. He cares deeply about our relationship, and he brings up little annoyances that actually could turn into problems, if not addressed early on.
He has voiced a concern several times about whether I will ever be truly satisfied with DD. He wonders if it will become like any other obsession, and just leave me craving more and more. He wonders if this lifestyle will be enough for me in the future, and thinks that I might be always seeking the next "level of satisfaction."
And my answer is always "I have no idea," because I do have no idea. There is no way for me to know if this lifestyle will be enough for me--if it will satisfy my future emotional and physical needs. All I know is that it satisfies me today. I am happy right now, and I cannot predict how I will feel in the future, what the circumstances will be, or how our relationship will evolve over the years. I truly hope that we both remain adventurous when it comes to sex and DD--I think it would be sad if we did not always seek out new and exciting ways to satisfy each other.
But there is also some part of me that wonders where the sexual thrills end--is there ever an attainable level of sexual "nirvana" in life? Is it human nature to ever be satisfied with what we have and not wish for more? Honestly, I don't think our brains are wired to be completely satisfied. We crave the "dopamine rush" that accompanies the activities we love to do, but the more we do something we love, the harder it is for our brain to achieve a dopamine rush from it. The phrase "too much of a good thing" absolutely exists within our brains, and, when one thing no longer satisfies us, we move onto something else. We find something else to give us the rush.
I wonder about all of that, but I don't worry about it, because there is one thing about which I'm certain--my relationship with my husband will never be too much of a good thing. We've been together for seven years, and my knees seem to get weaker and weaker, and my stomach has more butterflies than ever before. But even if those butterflies go away, that's not what makes our relationship last. Our communication and our willingness to try is what makes a good thing better and better. We talk frequently about what we want to try, what we want to improve, and what we appreciate about each other. And, remember, my husband is very good at foreseeing possible problems--so, in fact, we solve many of our problems before they even arise (or do we create them??)!
I have to say I am very much enjoying this stage of my life with my husband. I feel so blessed, and it's been nice to have some time to myself to think it through. I think I've had more than enough time, though, and I'm ready for him to be home now! One more week :)
