Monday, February 24, 2014

The Spanking Revelation

This week was exhausting for my H and I, in terms of hashing out our relationship and our new venture into DD.

When we first started DD a couple of weeks ago, my husband was gun-ho about it for several days.  I was rather surprised at how quickly he stepped into his role.  I knew things would not continue so well forever, because life  Now we have relaxed a bit into our old ways, and the DD dynamic is often not there, but this doesn't mean it has disappeared.

I knew going into DD that it was something we'd need to ease into and discuss how it's going frequently, because I don't know exactly what I want at this point, and I sure don't expect my husband to automatically know what I want.  I know that I will often need to give suggestions and encouragement in order to keep it alive in our relationship, and I am totally fine with that.  My husband is doing this for me, and I never want to take that for granted or get frustrated because it doesn't come naturally to him.

The other day, we were deciding what we should do for the evening, and I was in a really bad mood.  I was disappointed that the DD dynamic was not as prevalent, and I was exhausted by our various disagreements throughout the week, and, to top it all off, I was ravenous and previous dinner plans had just been canceled.

"I should probably spank you right now," he said,in response to some eye roll or sarcastic response from me.

"Oh, OK," I said.  I walked away, annoyed.  I was pushing back, because I felt apathetic, frustrated, tired, and disappointed.  I continued in my mood for another half hour or so, and I was frustrated that my husband did not follow through with his threat, though I didn't want to tell him that.

He finally got the hint when I was in the bathroom doing my makeup before going out for dinner.  He spanked me over my skirt several times and said I would get the rest after dinner.  I sighed heavily and gave him a "look" because I know what happens when he puts things off.  They don't happen.  Whenever we put off sex or spanking until a more convenient time, it never gets done because we're too tired, too full, too busy, etc...

He knows this too, and told me to take down my tights and underwear.  He spanked me bare with his hand in the bathroom, but it was really loud in such an enclosed space and it was hurting my ears.  He told me to get in the bedroom and get over his lap, where the real spanking began.

The spanking went on for a while, and included a lecture about how he doesn't like to spank me when I'm in a bad mood because it kills his motivation when I push back or brush him off.  He told me that he's trying his best to do this for me, and that I can't expect him to always have the motivation to do what I want him to. This made me feel really bad, because I am so appreciative that he does this for me, and I told myself from the beginning that I would be patient, realistic, and grateful in my expectations for him.

Then I realized something (and this is going to sound ridiculous that I didn't realize it earlier):  I was not craving a spanking from him; I was craving a discussion and a resolution to the events of the past week.  You see, my husband disappointed me several times this week--I won't go into details, because they have nothing to do with DD, but it was one of those weeks where I wish he wanted discipline, because it would probably resolve my hurt feelings a lot faster!

Anyway, I didn't realize how hurt and disappointed I was by everything that happened until I was laying over his lap, and suddenly, I knew everything that I wanted to say to him.  All of my feelings and moods became clearer and I knew exactly what was bothering me, and it wasn't our lack of DD at all.

I asked permission to speak freely over his lap, and then I poured out my new found realization, and we had an intimate and productive discussion, all while I was laying over his lap.  Trying to picture a couple having a deep discussion together in this position makes me laugh.  Only this community will understand that this position is sometimes the best way to have a discussion, and that feelings and revelations that you didn't know you had seem to come to the forefront.

We resolved our issues the best we could during that discussion, and then we cuddled for a while, and he apologized to me in his own way ;)  And the rest of the evening was fantastic--we gorged ourselves on Mexican food and I was once again in a good mood, all because of my spanking revelation!

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