A couple things have happened here in my house over the past week. If you recall from an earlier post, my husband and I had a very, very sweet reunion (with punishment, corner time, and excellent post punishment activities.) I was punished for slacking on my rules while he was away for a week--getting up late, not doing what I should have been doing during the day, etc... Well, two days after he got home, I woke up late again.
I don't have a full time job at the moment, so, for me, there is no sense of urgency to wake up at a reasonable hour. I sort of have my own business (not officially), and I'm looking and working on creating professional opportunities for myself at the moment. But it seems like no matter how much I do, and no matter how close I think I'm getting to making it happen, something else comes up that I need to do first. I feel like I'm constantly working toward a goal that is just out of reach. Plus, I have lots of trouble sleeping well, and, now that I can sleep in, I like to take full advantage of it. Therefore, some days I don't feel the need to wake up early just to sit at home and discover how much more I need to do before I can realize my dreams.
My husband usually forgets to ask what time I woke up, but, on this day--a mere 24 hours after punishing me for sleeping in while he was away, he asked, and I told him the truth--a half hour later than I should have.
He was extremely disappointed, and I felt awful. I felt terrible for not taking my rules seriously enough, because I'm the one who asked for them, and he is taking them seriously, and he's tired and worked hard today, and I really do want this for me and for us, and...sigh.
He told me he would deal with me later, because I was cooking dinner. I have never, ever felt anxious about getting a spanking (besides my childhood), and my stomach was doing flops. I wanted it over with. I wanted instantly to feel better, to feel forgiven, and to be told that everything would be OK. I wanted it taken care of right then and there, but, it was not to be. I had to wait for it :( And, to top it off, I overcooked the steak for dinner and it was charred and chewy.
If they made an award for terrible subs, I would win for this day.
So, after losing my appetite and trying to maintain pleasant conversation throughout the evening, I finally went over my husband's lap for yet another punishment. I now have to text him twice every morning--once when I wake up, and once when I get out of bed. Next time I get up late, my wake up time will get pushed to an earlier time, and I'll need to go to bed earlier.
I set an alarm now to make sure I wake up on time.
We also had a discussion this week about DD that didn't go very well at first, but I think I will save that for another post, since this one has become quite long.
Love you all, dear readers, and wish me luck in my new resolve to take my rules seriously!