Wednesday, April 9, 2014
What Changed My Mind
There is a family of five that lives next door to us--a husband, wife, and three children--with whom we get along pretty well, helping each other shovel snow, getting together for occasional meals, etc... Unfortunately, the husband is away a lot for his job. Now, I know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship with a significant other, but I can't imagine the stress of essentially being a single mom of three children while the other is away. Last week, when the husband returned home from a month-long trip away, my husband and I made homemade pizza and took it over to eat dinner with them.
The whole meal was incredibly awkward. The wife was constantly making bitter, sarcastic remarks toward her husband and instigating arguments about household issues that should have been private. I don't know who I felt sorrier for--the husband, who was trying to ease the tension by essentially ignoring her and carrying on with conversation, or the wife, who obviously had tons of built-up resentment and bitterness.
I was so grateful to be home after that long evening, but I was even more grateful for the relationship I have with my husband and for the way I treat him with respect when we're alone and with other people. I was also grateful for the way we now deal with disrespect, resentment, and bitterness, and how there seems to be less and less of it as we continue down the DD path.
Sometimes I think DD would save a lot of marriages. But then I realize that a woman really has to be in the right mindset and has to truly understand the benefits of submission in order to commit to it. The act of submission must be a choice made in full understanding of what it entails and what it will most likely produce.
I know there are those who read our blogs and are disgusted by what seems like a woman giving up her right to control her own life. Those of us in DD know that this is not the case, but how do we explain it to someone who only sees that? Should we even worry about trying to explain it? Is it one of those things where you either "get it" or you don't?
I used to be in the "outsider" group when it came to DD. It sounds quite harsh, but I'll admit I used to think women in DD relationships were childish, dependent, and not capable of self-motivation or self-accountability. And even though I'm now living the lifestyle, I understand where my old self is coming from. I understand that someone may read this blog and think those sames things.
When I try to think of what changed my mind about DD, I'm really at a loss. The truth is, I have no idea what changed my mind or even when it happened. Unfortunately, it was no thanks to anyone in blogland, because, when I brought DD up to my husband, I hadn't read spanking blogs in months.
I think that I was looking for a way to fall in love with my husband all over again, and, this time, in such a way that I could show him the honor, respect, and admiration he deserves. My husband is an amazing guy, and, before DD, I certainly loved him, but I often lacked respect for him. I felt more like my neighbor and less like an affectionate, loving wife. I would feel bad when I disrespected him, but all I could say was "sorry" and move on. There was no other way of clearing my guilt, and the process of disrespect and the subsequent "I'm sorry" repeated itself over and over again, with the consequence often being an entire evening ruined by our resulting bad moods.
DD hasn't fixed every bad mood and argument, but I am way more conscious of the things I say to my husband and the way I treat him now. I am more aware of how my words and actions affect him. The way I treat my husband is one of the best aspects of DD (I think he would agree with me), and I think most of us would agree that DD is not primarily about the submissive being held accountable for things, although, that is a part of it. It is ultimately about treating the person we love the way they deserve to be treated.
I hope my neighbors can work out their issues. I'm certainly not going to suggest DD, but, with any luck, she will stumble across one of our blogs, laugh at how ridiculous it seems, and then dwell on it, come back for more out of curiosity, research similar blogs, and come to the realization that this lifestyle could really benefit their marriage.