Saturday, June 21, 2014

Quiet Reflection: When a Good Thing gets Better

It's time for some Quiet Reflection.  With my husband gone, I've had some time (though not much!) to be alone and think--reflect--on how DD is going.  I do feel that it's going well.  It is definitely not 24/7 for us. It's more like once or twice a week, but that is enough for now.  I'm not sure what I will want in the future, but, frankly, I don't want to think about it.  I want to take this as it comes, day by day, and not worry about how I will feel or whether I will be satisfied in the future.

My husband, however, is what I call a "future crisis planner"--meaning, for any given situation, he thinks of everything that could go wrong and voices it.  He often detects problems and brings them up long before they happen, and sometimes I wonder if his "problem solving" actually creates problems.  Or I think about what would actually happen if he didn't speculate about what could happen.  Most of the time, I do appreciate his foresight, though.  He cares deeply about our relationship, and he brings up little annoyances that actually could turn into problems, if not addressed early on.

He has voiced a concern several times about whether I will ever be truly satisfied with DD.  He wonders if it will become like any other obsession, and just leave me craving more and more.  He wonders if this lifestyle will be enough for me in the future, and thinks that I might be always seeking the next "level of satisfaction."

And my answer is always "I have no idea," because I do have no idea.  There is no way for me to know if this lifestyle will be enough for me--if it will satisfy my future emotional and physical needs.  All I know is that it satisfies me today.  I am happy right now, and I cannot predict how I will feel in the future, what the circumstances will be, or how our relationship will evolve over the years.  I truly hope that we both remain adventurous when it comes to sex and DD--I think it would be sad if we did not always seek out new and exciting ways to satisfy each other.

But there is also some part of me that wonders where the sexual thrills end--is there ever an attainable level of sexual "nirvana" in life?  Is it human nature to ever be satisfied with what we have and not wish for more? Honestly, I don't think our brains are wired to be completely satisfied.  We crave the "dopamine rush" that accompanies the activities we love to do, but the more we do something we love, the harder it is for our brain to achieve a dopamine rush from it.  The phrase "too much of a good thing" absolutely exists within our brains, and, when one thing no longer satisfies us, we move onto something else.  We find something else to give us the rush.

I wonder about all of that, but I don't worry about it, because there is one thing about which I'm certain--my relationship with my husband will never be too much of a good thing.  We've been together for seven years, and my knees seem to get weaker and weaker, and my stomach has more butterflies than ever before.  But even if those butterflies go away, that's not what makes our relationship last.  Our communication and our willingness to try is what makes a good thing better and better.  We talk frequently about what we want to try, what we want to improve, and what we appreciate about each other. And, remember, my husband is very good at foreseeing possible problems--so, in fact, we solve many of our problems before they even arise (or do we create them??)!

I have to say I am very much enjoying this stage of my life with my husband.  I feel so blessed, and it's been nice to have some time to myself to think it through.  I think I've had more than enough time, though, and I'm ready for him to be home now!  One more week :)


  1. Aaron here. Beautiful writing expressing a tough subject. In the commercial world, the subject is called "expectation management" - a way of expressing communication between two people over personal expectations. For us, those expectations of the life seem to grow, causing a bit of resistance. It's tough to find put that something you've done for the last few years just isn't sufficient anymore. I guess the question "what will ultimately make you happy" is flawed. "What will make you happy and keep you happy" is a slightly better way to go, but doesn't cover the inevitable ebbs and flows in satisfaction or the crave for a rush (i.e. "something new").

    I guess we'll see where it all goes!

  2. Great post, Autumn. I have often wondered this myself. Will I ever be satisfied with any level of dominance that he can provide? If he gets to the point that I am thinking I will be satisfied at, will I want more? I don't know.

    1. It is so hard to predict, but then so is everything in relationships! I'm sure both of us will change and evolve in what satisfies us as our relationship progresses, but the important thing is being willing to try new things :)

  3. Autumn, this is tricky, because on the one hand I agree when you say that we are never satisfied. On the other hand, I am not sure at all. Actually, I think some of this is connected to variety, so that you might come back to some pretty basic things, just because they haven’t happened for quite a while (speaking about just the tiniest of spankings which I have not had for months now).
    I can only agree with you when you say that you know sex and the way you do DD satisfy you today. I think this is somehow all you can do, enjoy the moment and work for it, so that it goes on. What you do is you work on your relationship and maybe there is not much more that you can do about it. Apart from the love that you feel for your husband, I think one of the greatest parts of a relationship is that you have the one with you, who you trust, who you share a lot with and that brings you closer together. Therefore, I am completely with you when you say that you don’t worry. You know about the communication and willingness that both of you have, to work on the relationship. Hey, and that means you have every right to enjoy this. It is fabulous and wonderful!



    1. It really is fabulous and wonderful to be in a relationship where we are happy to tell each other what we want and are willing to try new things for each other. It is important sometimes to go "back to the basics" when it comes to physical intimacy--you can rediscover things that you've forgotten make you happy!