And the best part is, my husband knows about it!
Actually, my husband encourages me to develop crushes, because it turns him on to think that I fantasize about being with other men. I don't develop crushes very often, and I have often made stuff up in the bedroom to satisfy my husband, but this is not make-believe. This is a full blown, all-consuming fantasy that makes me question my hormone levels.
This older man is technically my boss; although, in my profession, that doesn't mean what you might think. I'll put it this way--he's in a position of leadership where I work, and he's incredibly talented, funny, and laid back. He's one of the best people with whom I've ever worked, and I respect him as a professional and on a more personal level.
He's not particularly attractive, physically, but I have always been drawn more to personality and talent than to looks. That doesn't mean I haven't fantasized about physical acts with him. Recently, I seem to be in this odd and delirious state of teenage ecstasy, fantasizing about everything from what conversation we might have to what it would be like if he spanked me.
This is one fantasy, however, that will most definitely remain a fantasy. For one thing, the guy is happily married with kids who are my age. I am no home-wrecker. Secondly, I love my job and the people with whom I work, including him. He has no idea I fantasize about him, and I plan for it to stay that way. In fact, I'm so worried about letting on about it, that I probably seem a little aloof and standoffish in his presence.
The fact that I know I can never have him is probably fueling my fantasy, but I'm OK with that. It's fun to let my imagination run wild, especially since my husband likes to hear about it :)
So I will let it run wild.
Autumn, concerning crushes, your husband must be the complete opposite of mine. I think this would make hubby seriously mad. I mean, he just laughs when I say that some actors are extremely sexy and when I tell him that I might have had fantasies about them, because they are out of reach anyway. But he would not like this idea of a potential rival nearby, because he is too possessive about me for that and I enjoy it this way.
ReplyDeleteI think it sounds like a good idea to appear more aloof and standoffish, just to make sure no trouble can come from it, but I agree, it is definitely fun to let your imagination run wild.
hugs
Autumn's husband here: The thing I've realized about people and long-term relationships is that you're bound to have a crush/experience the excitement of something new and fresh, like it or not. So, you have a couple of choices: pretend it doesn't happen or be open about it. I prefer the latter. I'm also turned on by the prospect of competition, especially when one of us is traveling. Regardless, I like the openness and honesty talking about it brings. I hope it substitutes for going behind each other's back. Who knows, we may someday take it beyond fantasy!
DeletePS- "Happily married" doesn't mean they aren't sexually adventurous!
DeletePPS - For Autumn and NiNa: Can you have a domestic discipline relationship that is also open sexually?
DeleteNina, I must admit I was surprised when I found out that my husband liked it when I fantasized about other men. It has a taken awhile to get to this point, but I wouldn't have it any other way. It's so exciting! And I do hope to bring it beyond a fantasy, not necessarily with this older man.
DeleteOh husband mine, we can do anything we want to do! There are no rules when it comes to DD except for "make it work for you."
ReplyDeleteOh my, I just reread what I had written. I apologize if it came over as criticism, because it was not meant like that at all. Autumn, I think it sounds exciting what you described. The part of being standoffish and aloof was about what I'd do, because I don't want other men but hubby to show any interest in me. So, the problem is only on my side and I am the very last who would want to tell others what to do or not to do and I hate when others want to tell us what is right and wrong. Don't be miffed, please.
ReplyDeleteTo Anon. Happily married does hopefully mean that they are !!!!! sexually adventurous. I could surely not complain about hubby and I, and I do not assume anything else about any other couple.
Autumn, sorry if I made it sound that bad. You and your husband are lovely and don't listen to the big whale with a mouth that needs to be soaped. No criticism from my side. I am so sorry that it sounded this way. My only message actually was, I would chicken out in such situations and would not feel comfortable. I am happy for anybody who can enjoy such moments.
hugs
Nina
Oh Nina, there was no offense taken AT ALL! I totally understood where you were coming from, and I know that you respect everyone's situations and circumstances on these blogs. It would be so boring if we couldn't share our differences!
DeleteMy husband loves to play devil's advocate, so if it sounded like he was taken aback, it's because he automatically takes the other side of things :) He didn't think you were criticizing us, and neither did I!
Nina,
ReplyDeleteGood point on "hopefully happily married means they are sexually adventurous." Perhaps that's something that helps keep them happily married!
As for my earlier comments, I was playing "devil's advocate" to challenge what I assume is prevalent in US marriages (spouse ONLY sexual partner OR cheating). In other words, my perception/assumption is people, while loving their spouse, often times are excited at the prospect of someone new, which sometimes leads to infidelity. This is where my earlier comments about crush fantasies come in.
Nina, I am a frequent visitor to my wife's blogs, and I respect everyone's opinion (it's part of the beauty of the blog world, no?).
Autumn, in terms of whether we can have open relationship add DD relationship, I know we could. I'm curious what it could look like with such opposing perspectives (total control vs. Total loss of control. I was hoping to generate conversation on how the two could co-exist and what that might look like in a relationship.
Love the blogs and observations!